Blacks and Muslims breathe a collective sigh of relief as former Senator Alan Simpson (R-WY) distracts Americans into a national conversation on boobage.
(Washington DC) Like the bright shiny object that is controversy, be it Lindsay Lohan’s release from rehab or a kitten nursing a sickly baby elephant, it took America’s least favorite Simpson to remind its citizens just how much tits matter.
It’s not that America has forgotten its melon pimples, but recent controversies like the ground zero mosque that isn’t a mosque that isn’t located at ground zero have been instrumental in distracting Americans from other important topics. Topics like tatas.
What Pamela Sue Anderson has spent an entire career foisting on a forgiving public, Senator Simpson’s little tit twit has put America all a twitter and launched the media on what is sure to be a long drawn out national conversation on boobage.
So what if Simpson, Obama’s deficit commission co-chair, told the Older Women’s League that Social Security is "like a cow with 310 million tits?" Could the salty, Wyoming Republican only have been trying to recall his rural roots by honoring the extraordinary bovine majesty of dairy cattle and what they have done for all of us lucky milk drinkers? Or, as some have suggested, was the statement a veiled reference by Simpson that he believes all Americans suck?
Perhaps Simpson’s true motivation can be sussed with mathematical precision from an earlier quote about the quality of what he calls America’s lesser people, "In your country club, your church and business, about 15% of the people are screwballs, lightweights and boobs and you would not want those people unrepresented in Congress."
What have we become as a nation when all this plain-spoken man was trying to do was act as the most revealing representative for the boobs among us?