All of this talk of the Koran burning got me thinking. Besides outrage, logic, reason, and appealing to the sensible side of people who support this act (who am I kidding? Sensible? Yeah, right.), we should just sink to their level and respond in kind.
Now, the question is, what do we burn?
At first, it would seem like the obvious choice would be the Bible. But that would be offensive to Christians, and would be hypocritical of us. I mean, how can we oppose the burning of the Koran, but not oppose the burning of the bible? Not to mention, it would go against my personal convictions that burning religious texts of any kind is wrong. So, let's cross that one off of the list.
What's next? Maybe we should burn one of Glenn Beck's numerous vile and hate-filled books. We'd have so many to choose from, from "Glenn Beck's Common Sense" (HAH!) to "Arguing with Idiots" (I get enough experience doing that with your followers, Beck), to his latest, and hopefully last, foray into Fiction, "The Overton Window." Hell, we could have an entire day devoted to burning any and all books related to any of the blowhards on the right. Beck, Coulter, Limbaugh, Hannity.. All of them could fuel our fire! But that would be divisive. The last thing we need in politics today is to drive the wedge between parties even deeper. Besides, we'd be giving money to those idiots and driving up their already artificially inflated sales numbers with every book we purchased in order to burn. That might be counterproductive, so lets cross those off the list, too.
So, we need a book SO offensive to American ideals that not only would the left support it, but also the right, and won't give money to our political opponents. Perhaps, if it's appealing enough, we could even peel supporters of the Koran burning away from that to focus on our burning. But what book to we use??
I'VE GOT IT! I know of a book that is so offensive to so many people, we might actually be able to UNIFY the country behind it's burning. This book is hated by SO many people and it's burning would appeal to such a large audience, we could easily get hundreds of thousands of supporters!
We need to burn the Twilight Series, by Stephenie Meyer! That woman single-handedly destroyed an entire generation's view of one of the best monsters in Storytelling, the Vampire. She created millions of zombie-like followers who squeal with delight whenever someone mentions the names "Edward" or "Jacob", and who believe that *gag* "Sparkling" is what vampires do when exposed to sunlight.
We can't let this go unpunished! WHO'S WITH ME?!
(Disclaimer: I don't actually support burning of any books. I'm just in a goofy mood, today. :P )