Last week my friend publish a letter to the editor to the Daily Herald explaining why so many people voted Republican. He cited two unrelated scientific studies on the human genome and dopamine receptors and brought them together to explain the Republicans were either Neanderthal hybrids or unable of learning from their mistakes. There were 125 comments. The Progressives were laughing their asses off at the theory but the Regressives were seething.
Yesterday there were two "I hate the Letter Writer" letters in the Daily Herald. They were: “Mean-spirited letter should not have run,” (44 comments) by Rhonda Sarafin and “Rant against GOP was way off-base” (44 comments), by Ron Edhlund.
I think my friend stuck a chord. I will print his original letter below.
I often wonder how members of the political right can cling to their beliefs in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Some 41 percent of Republicans believe President Obama was foreign born, 46 percent think he is a Muslim, and even after all these years 50 percent of Republicans still think that Iraq had WMD when George Bush invaded. I was determined to discover why this is, and I think I hit upon it.
Geneticists at the Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, have been working on the Neanderthal Project since 2005. Recently they compared the Neanderthal genome to the human genome and discovered that 4 percent of the human population has Neanderthal genes. OK, so that explains the Tea Party.
But what about all the people who plan to vote Republican this fall? Every law Republicans have passed has hurt the middle class and poor. Surely history has demonstrated that Republicans only care about the richest 2 percent of the population. So why would anybody outside that 2 percent vote Republican?
Geneticists have found the answer to that too. In about 30 percent of all humans there is a genetic mutation that shortchanges the brain of dopamine receptors. Dopamine receptors facilitate thoughts and emotions. The lack of dopamine receptors prevents humans from learning from their mistakes. For a high schoolboy it may be constantly being fired from jobs for showing up late for work. For a college girl it may be continually dating the same kind of loser. For adults it means voting Republican no matter how many times they get screwed by that party. The lesson never sinks in.
So I have found the answer to why so many people vote Republican. Hopefully science will advance so that someday gene therapy will provide a cure.
John Morgan
Below is some of the comments from the original letter.
Eastshore:
This is a great theory John, thanks for helping us understand these mysteries, I believe that you have hit on a real cause and effect relationship here, more studies should be performed on sven to get to the root of the problem.
Hawksfan66:
I'm nominating this as the LTE of the year! Made my day, it did.
But I believe it may well be a bit simplistic in the explanation of RepubliCANTS.
They are able to control the sheep by using fear. Any explanation needs to take that into account.
Jim on the plains:
John Morgan,
How dare you dis the Neaderthals! Some of my best friends are "cave people".
Funny letter though, thanks.
007:
I love this letter, even if it is tongue-in-cheek.
Who needs comedy clubs?
HAL9000:
I can't tell if you're serious or if this is very clever counter-satire. Satire won - I gave you a thumbs up.
That’s Amore:
This was a very good letter. For good satire there must be a thread of truth to it... This is so close to being true that it's perfect.
I really love those Republicans who really believe that President Obama was born in a foreign country and that he's a Muslim even though he went through that whole thing with his South side pastor Rev. Wright during the campaign... Really, who can believe the things that Republicans routinely come up with that are so far out there that any reasonable person would just laugh them off... The LW has hit on it...very funny stuff.
Danette:
Okay this was a great letter - levity is needed at this time and the letter writer delivered! BRAVO...
Step to this:
I endorse this letter. It's all in good fun. Inane at face value, it can't be lumped in with DH's standard slap and tickle LTE strategy.
The establishment GOP (neocons and RINOS) have created a tragicomic mess. They deserve to be mocked, ridiculed, and discredited for what they've done and become.
KDP:
Mr. Morgan,
You letter was masterful and has rendered you a personal hero of mine.
Thank you endlessly.
Of course, there were the Republican comments as well.
The Sentinal
John knows what he can do with his letter to the editor. The sun doesn't shine there, John.
DB941:
More kool-aid john ?
Alexander Haig:
What a stupid letter!
Big Dave 53:
The writer is a total idiot and not worthy of further comment.
Donnieyo:
To the LW: Prepare yourself to be led by a Neanderthal Congress then! You better run to the hills and hide in a cave.
AlsoMike:
John Morgan that is the most ridicules thing I have ever read. You are clearly a narrow minded Democrat.