By allowing corporations to express their right to free speech in their preferred and time honored way the Supreme Court has opened the door on a new day. No unhealthy smoke-filled rooms, traded favors, back-room deals. Instead we will have the true democracy of the marketplace: open, transparent, practically stark, staring naked.
Members of Congress will proffer their votes on E-Bay, where the invisible hand of the market will transform Congress into an engine of efficient allocation. The dead hand of government rules and regulations will be replaced by the enlightened forces of free enterprise, and taxes will fall preferentially, as they should, on those the market has found least worthy and valuable.
But, in this brave new world our representatives will still need sage advice, and a more reliable cash flow than the auction system can truly provide. Corporate sponsorships will be the hallmark of elective office. Members of Congress will proudly wear the insignia of their liege lords. Their pin-striped jumpsuits will bear the logos not just of Valvoline and Penzoil, like their NASCAR colleagues, but of Exxon Mobil, Microsoft, Walmart, Toyota, Con-Agra, Goldman Sachs, Boeing, Blackwater and AIG (those clever devils are flush with cash again, where in the world did they get it).
Instead of slewing about wildly as now; under the firm hand of the captains of industry, arbitrage and the carry trade, policy will set a steady course that will carry us confidently into a future of corporate plenty. Bounty will rain down hard on those at the top, but they have the toughness to absorb the punishing burden of wealth, in order to spare the rest of us. To the lawyer and accountant a steady green rain to nourish their growing accounts. And, to the lower orders a gentle drizzle to keep them lean and hungry, the better to perform their hard but necessary toil.
All we need is an appropriate visionary to harness this new power and lead us into our new dawn. I’m thinking: a man with a mustache, one who appreciates the fashion possibilities of brown.