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From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Evening, all! Wow, I'm jumping out of my skin over those Gallup numbers. I know, I know, it's early---like, 8 months early---but what a solid launching pad Kerry has. Please, Senator...go after Bush with claws of steel. Push back so hard it knocks the wind out of W's lungs. Raaaaaahr!!
Be sure to vote in our excruciatingly critical poll. If you don't vote...the terrorists win. (Man...you remember the days when we were expected to take that kind of bulls**t language seriously??)
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section...RIGHTNOW!
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 9, 2004
CHEERS to Ashcroft's gallbladder removal. Hey, if we have to get rid of him piece by piece, so be it.
JEERS to going through the motions. Voters in FL, TX, LA and Em-eye-ess-ess-eye-ess-ess-eye-pee-pee-eye cast their ballots today for that gray-haired guy from up north. Dean! Dean! Dean!
CHEERS to incriminating charts. Steve Soto at http://www.theleftcoaster.com/ pens a fine essay on the lack of visuals in today's newspapers. Case in point (and CHEERS to...): Paul Krugman's eye-popping snapshot in the New York Times showing 3 years of bogus Bush jobs forecasts. Think a picture's worth a thousand words? Try 2.3 million.
JEERS to the week's most arrogant job interview. Mark McClellan, Bush's choice to head Medicare, says he won't answer Senators' questions about his opposition to Canada drug imports (because his reasons are so, um, stupid) until after he's confirmed. Man, I'd love to see him try that on `The Apprentice.'
CHEERS to `The Fox Report.' Yes, it's okay to admit it. Politics aside, it's the best-produced, most entertaining news show on TV. Shepard Smith runs rings around the fuddyduds on the Big Three. And when he takes me `Around the World in 80 Seconds,' why, I do declare, I need aloe vera for my windburn.
JEERS to children raised by heterosexuals. Exhibit A: Judge rules that cocaine a husband and wife stuffed inside their baby's diaper (!!) can be used as evidence in court. Exhibit B: Florida woman and her boyfriend tie up her 1 year-old daughter with bed sheet so they can go dancing (oh, he likes to beat children, too). Quick, get these poor tots into the loving arms of a gay couple.
CHEERS to Edward R. Murrow. 50 years ago, he lashed out at paranoid Communist-baiter Joseph McCarthy on `See It Now.' Among his words: "We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men---not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular." Read the transcript at http://honors.umd.edu/HONR269J/archive/Murrow540309.html .
CHEERS to justice. Death sentence for sniper John Allen Muhammad fits the crime. Would it be bad to suggest dressing him in Bambi suit and turning him loose in the woods around NRA headquarters?
JEERS to traditional family values. George and Jeb Bush mock the sacred institution of marriage by blowing off their own brother, Neil's, wedding. C'mon, guys. You can't get herpes through a tux. (And you missed some great Thai food.)
CHEERS to Gloria Borger. `U.S. News & World Report' contributor sums up the election as "...something like a network TV schedule--some real high-quality stuff surrounded by garbage. `Fear Factor' and `Masterpiece Theater,' all rolled into one." Oh, I'd love to see Bush eat maggots.
JEERS to technology. Our office building manager installed motion-sensor light switches in the bathrooms to save a few pennies. Trouble is, they shut off in mid-pee. Let's see their savings when they get my $#@!! shoe repair bill.
So...what are you cheering and jeering about today?
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