As we've seen, Virginia Thomas left a voice-mail message for Anita Hill asking her to apologize for accusing her husband of sexual harassment during his confirmation hearings as a Supreme Court nominee 19 years ago. After initially refusing Mrs. Thomas' "olive branch," Hill has now reversed course, issuing the following statement.
Dear Justice Thomas,
My guilt has been eating me alive for years. I'm so glad your wife called me so that I could make this full apology. I'm sorry I called you out on your misogynistic tendencies and your history of sexually harassing subordinates. I hope you can in time forgive me for accurately reporting how you treated me as an employee at the Education Department and Equal Opportunity Employment Commission. Please accept this basket of assorted baked goods from that cute patisserie on K street as a sign of the respect I have for you and your fringe constitutional jurisprudence. Maybe this will help you feel confident to finally say something in oral arguments. I mean, seriously sir, it's been over 4 years! We're all getting kind of worried. I'm sure that first-class steel-trap of a brain has something to say. Yours always, A.
PS: In case you get thirsty, I added a can of Coke. I made it just the way you like it....
/SNARK