Greetings, kossacks. I'm currently entrenched at Captain Kangaroo Elementary School out here on the outskirts of Dunn, NC looking for voter irregularities at the polls. Unfortunately, my costume was an unassuming school garbage can, and every few minutes or so someone throws trash in here, so I'm currently covered in catsup and campaign stickers, and there is a lit cigar burning the shit out of the middle of my back.
I'm currently spying on a Republican pollster who also is looking for voter irregularities. He is dressed in a pretty dandy v-necked sweater, binoculars, GPS, a microscope, laptop, hall monitor pass, x-ray specs, laser pointer, smart phone, tinfoil hat and is wearing mirrors on his hobnailed boots. This is an old timey polling place, so there's curtains at the polling booth and he's standing behind voters doing a lot of shoe gazing. He has a pretty wide stance. He's also talking to a woman in a skirt, but she looks kind of nauseous.
Uh-oh, gotta go. Whatever he said to her made her want to throw up, and she is coming my way. If you don't hear from me again, please make sure this gets posted on Daily Kos.
I'm sure most of us get confused about which amendment is which, I certainly do. But most of us aren't running for Senate, and most of us don't claim to be constitutional experts, as Christine O'Donnell has certainly come close to doing just that.
—Anderson Cooper on Christine O'Donnell's (R, DE) disastrous debate performance.
After that debate my team and I we were literally high fiving each other thinking that we had exposed he doesn't know the First Amendment, and then when we read the reports that said the opposite we were all like 'what?
—Christine O'Donnell, on Good Morning America.
Are we running for a high school office here?
I’ve always thought the right wing were ones that were inflexible and intolerant and now I’m coming to realize that the orthodoxy at NPR, its representing the left.
—Juan Williams to George Stephanopolous.
$2 million will do that to you.
Juan has a First Amendment right to say whatever he wants. He does not have a First Amendment right to be paid by NPR for saying whatever he wants.
—NPR.
NPR defends 1st Amendment Right, but will fire u if u exercise it. Juan Williams: u got taste of Left's hypocrisy, they screwed up firing you.
—Sarah Palin on Twitter.
Thankfully limited to 140 characters.
And I think it is simply this, that in the culture of NPR, appearing on Fox is a sin. And in the culture of NPR, for an African American man like Juan, regardless of his extraordinary stature, to be there and be kind of a Bill Cosby liberal, not a down-the-line liberal, is a sin as well.
—Fox News' Brit Hume.
All right, are we in Bizarro World? Brit Hume just played the race card.
I have no hostility toward him. It is just that he has manufactured a different reality over time. That's the problem that he has.
—lillian Mcewen, who dated Clarence Thomas in the early 80's.
There was nothing in his behavior that would ever make me believe that.
—Radio host Armstrong Williams about Clarence Thomas' reported perverted nature.
He didn't share his porn with you? What kind of friend is that?
As they begin to govern, Republicans will need to keep in mind that their favorability is under 50 percent. The electorate is extremely cranky and will likely remain this way for some time.
—Former White House George W. Bush political director Sara Taylor Fagen.
There will be infighting among conservatives. Oh yes.
In interviews with around 25 classmates, Conway’s peers painted him as a quiet leader — serious, affable and kind of boring.
—Daily Caller writer Jonathan Strong's boring expose on Jack Conway's college days.
Busted! Breaking news! Take that aqua buddha!
I think it's time to let's see what the men and women that are at the basic combat unit particularly the men in the Marines and Army have to say when the survey comes in on the first of December.
—Gen. Hugh Shelton.
I wonder what they said about black soldiers serving before 1948.
No sane individual thinks Muhammad Ali or Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is responsible for 9/11.
—Bill O'Reilly.
Oh, NOW you have to bring sanity into your arguments, O'Reilly! There goes my boxing/basketball theory about the ground zero mosque.
Power has been trapped, abused and exploited by Democrats. Go to the ballot box and put an end to this abusive relationship.
—PJ O'Rourke, in the Weekly Standard.
Power abuse is a partisan problem? You've had a sad fall, PJ.
Kinda sucks, I'd really wanted to like that guy--it's like finding out that Santa Claus has a weird thing against Puerto Ricans. Which, y'know, would just mean it's time to start celebrating Kwanzaa. Life must go on.
—Andy Cobb On Crooks and Liars after it was revealed that The Rent is Too Damn High Party leader Jimmy McMillan not only doesn't pay rent but has anti-semitic views.
I just got done welcoming Sarah Palin to our County. Had a nice chat and gave her a pair of pink underwear.
—Maricopa, Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio.
I'm seeing a single qualifier why conservative men like Sarah Palin.
It's not like these people have read the economist Friedrich August von Hayek.
—Karl Rove about the Tea Party.
Now go call liberals elitist.
The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.
—Sen. Mitch McConnell (R, KY) to NRO.
Why do you hate America, Mitch McConnell?
Yeah guys, man up! Stop acting like weak, spineless unfit for leadership whatever the opposite of a man is.
—Stephen Colbert, on Sharron Angle (R, AZ) and others love of the phrase.
What a world. I write some 1,000+ words on Woodrow Wilson and I get three emails over 12 hours. I ask for help on canine urine retrieval and I get 30 inside of five minutes.
—National Review's Jonah Goldberg, admitting his writing isn't up to Snuffy.
Well, they may have the powerful corporations on their side. But we’ve got you.
—Sen. Al Franken (D, MN), in a diary on Daily Kos.
So stop reading this diary and go out and vote already.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from around the internets, comes out every Tuesday around lunchtime.