The Huffington Post reports that U.S. House Republicans are requiring job applicants to fill out ideological questionnaires administered by the Heritage Foundation. These are applicants for GOVERNMENT JOBS. If the Democrats did this, what kind of howling would we hear from the right?
(See "House Conservative Caucus 'Strongly Encourages' Job Applicants To Fill Out Ideological Questionnaire". http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/26/house-conservative-caucus_n_774227.html)
So, hey, I'd like a government job. I went to the Heritage Foundation's web site and copied the questionnaire VERBATIM (below). I have filled it out so that I can get a job working for Congress. I tried my best to appeal to Republican sensibilities, as I understand them. See if you think I will get hired:
ISSUES QUESTIONNAIRE:
The following questions are designed to assist us in placing you with an office or organization with which you are most compatible. It is not mandatory that you fill these out, but they greatly enhance our ability to more effectively circulate your resume.
Foreign and Defense Policy
Free trade benefits U.S. consumers.
Yes, it sure does. Because when we can get goods made under Communist labor laws, where the people have no say in the rules and can't form any unions, then hey, everybody wins! If giant corporations can do an end-run around our labor laws and environmental protections, what's not to love?
The U.N. should not have authority over the citizens or public policies of sovereign nations.
The U.N. should absolutely have no authority whatsoever, because it is the God-given role of the United States to be the Global Policeman.
The U.S. has the right to use force to protect its national interests.
We absolutely have that right as long as our national interests are the same as international corporate interests.
Social Policy
The education industry should be opened to increased competition through vouchers or tax credits for private schools.
Yes, and in fact this "industry" should be completely privatized, because we can't have people actually "knowing things", unless the information is controlled by a church or corporation.
Judges should not make decisions based on their policy preferences.
Absolutely not. They should follow the shining example of the Supreme Court in, say, Bush v. Gore, or Citizens United.
Union membership should be at the option of the employee, not a requirement for employment.
This should be especially true when a corporation makes it clear that joining a union disqualifies the worker for employment.
Economic Policy
People should be able to invest a portion of their Social Security payments in a personal account.
Absolutely. I mean, it's not like people have any other money to put into a personal account except for Social Security money. If we can take the most successful government program in history and give it to Wall Street, I'm sure they will be wise stewards of our financial security, as they have proven time and again. And, if the market crashes, and someone has the temerity to be poor, well, they don't really count as a real American anyway.
Federal spending is too high.
It is absolutely too high. We should definitely cut all unnessecary spending, like the entire Defense Department. Wait, is that the right answer?
The U.S. needs nationalized health care.
I don't think so - where's the profit in that?
The following are a number of organizations and people involved in public policy. Indicate your general agreement by choosing + and general disagreement by choosing -, or don't make a selection if you do not recognize a name or have no opinion.
Al Gore
This guy invented Global Warming all by himself. But he also invented the Internet, so I guess it's a wash.
National Education Association (NEA)
These people have the audacity to fill our kid's heads with "facts" and "knowledge". Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, and look where it got them!
Dianne Feinstein
This woman has been elected to the U.S. Senate four times by the most populous state in the nation. Obviously just a flash-in-the-pan.
National Organization of Women (NOW)
I oppose this group, because I am a proud member of The Heirarchical Extreme Nabobs (THEN).
Planned Parenthood
I definitely oppose this group because all parenthood should be unplanned.
George W. Bush
All I can say is, there was never a president like that before! Wow!
National Rifle Association (NRA)
It is clear that America needs more guns.
Clarence Thomas
If we didn't have Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court, who would carry on the legacy of Thurgood Marshall?
Sierra Club
I hugged a tree once, and a caterpillar crawled up my nose.
James Dobson
If we didn't have someone to Focus on the Family, I think most of us would forget that we are in families.
CATO
I was really impressed with his testimony at the O.J. trial.
Bill Bennett
A more ethical American I've never met. I mean, never gambling more than you can afford to lose; now that's principled!
American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC)
I think their biggest success to date has been passing Godwin's Law.
Name one living political leader whom you greatly admire:
Sarah Palin is the only living political leader of whom I am aware.
Name one person who is a personal hero/most changed the course of history:
I think Scooter Libby exemplifies what Republicanism is all about. He has the goods to put Dick Cheney away forever, and is taking it to the grave. He has put loyalty ahead of law and country. God, the sun shines out of his drawers!
What single public policy issue would you most want to affect and why (in one paragraph):
There simply aren't enough wars. The ENTIRE Federal Budget should be made up of defense spending only. We should triple defense spending and cut taxes in half. I'm sure that would balance the budget, since tax cuts more than pay for themselves. And if they didn't, Dick Cheney says deficits don't matter. Am I making sense?
Okay, so now that I have filled out my questionnaire, do you think I am ready to be hired by a Conservative?