I met my good friend Ned Ells for a few beers the other night. Ned was a little more morose than usual.
"What's the matter Ned?" I asked.
Ned plopped down the sample ballot that came in the newspaper that day.
"Just look at this.", Ned said. "Fully one third of the offices have no candidate but a Republican running. Just like a Russian election."
"Yeah, that's just what we get for living here I guess. And besides you moved here. Should have known what you were getting into."
Ned and I live in the most conservative, tea-baggered sections of a solid Republican state.
Ned was silent for a while but then said. "You know old friend, when I moved here the prejudice and xenophobia were so bad I gave up using the name 'Juan' that my hispanic mother gave me and have used my other name 'Ned' or initials 'N. E.' for fifteen years."
I didn't know what to say but picking up the sample ballot, I said. "I know, you're right, looks like they'd at least give us the chance to vote yes or no. I'd rather have no one elected as to put some of these bozos in a position of public trust."
"These may be minor offices but remember some of the folks running for Senator or Governor got their start as county commissioner or clerk. Even if these guys don't get all the votes they will appear to be unananomously elected." Ned observed.
"Well, there is the option of writing-in other names." I said.
"But no one else has announced a write-in candadacy." Ned said.
"True but write in 'Mickey Mouse' or 'Donald Duck'. Anyone is better than appearing to support a sole Republican."
"I guess you are right." Ned said.
" You know what I am going to do? You're pretty well respected here. I am going to write in your name where there's no choice -- and tell my friends to also. And what's more, Ned, uh er, that is, Juan, I am going to use your full name, too: N. E. 'Juan' Ells