Boys & girls, ladies & gentlemen, messierus & mesdames, damen & herron, for your consideration & constructive criticism, I present my attempt to fill in the gap for a beloved Countdown feature {insert drum roll here}!
F.O.O., friends of F.O.O., and friends of friends of F.O.O., I offer to you SPARK (Stupid Petty A$$hat Remorseless Know - It - Alls) as the Countdown diary alternative to WPITW. The anacronym comes from, well, just guess! :D And, I think the words well - describe anyone chosen to be recognized for this honor...anyone from the BRILLIANT criminal to BRILLIANT policies or companies to BRILLIANT politicos or pundits. I've even picked an anthem and/or background music! To honor Senator Jim DeMint's generous & helpful words & attitude in advance of the HCR debate...
AND, I've picked a mascot - an image or character that perfectly fits the SPARK spirit! To note the "vision" of those who receive this honor...
AND, I've already designated a SPARK Hall of Fame - those "usual suspects" that have & will continue to "bless" our lives & make them more "interesting" but could be named every sparkin' day to the point of making this honor irrelevant! So, SPARK Hall of Fame members are DICK, $aint $arah from Wasilla (alias Grandma ExGov TurkeyLover), Bat$hit Bachmann, BillO, Lonesome Rhodes, Governor Mark "Argentinian - Lover" Sanford (spark introducer!), and Senator Jim "Waterloo" Demint. Feel free to suggest any other members to the SPARK HOF! :D
So, in the spirit of the departed WPITW, here is SPARK for November 5, 2010! Kyle Eckman, 22 - year - old from PA, was arrested for shoplifting a pair of ladies' high - heeled shoes. How was he caught, you might be asking? Mr. Eckman WORE THEM walking out the store - BRILLIANT! Some gentlemen from Montreal are out to give KFC's Double Down a run for its money. Can you feel your arteries hardening?! YIKES! Finally, for those of you who just can't STAND to be away from your I - Whatever Device not even when nature calls, someone actually took the time & effort to create this little gem - the iCarta iPod terlet paper holder. Maybe, the inventor discovered some music relieved constipation?
I'll note just 1 "this day in history" item; feel free to offer more in comments. On this date in 1605, the Gunpowder Plot failed when Guy Fawkes was seized before he could blow up the English Parliament.
Let's Countdown {insert cannon fire here}!
**** I obviously composed most of this text before we were all hit with a tsunami of arrogance, stupidity, and hypocrisy this afternoon. I guess there is a new addition to the SPARK Hall of Fame - Phil Griffin. Most of my brain still has not processed what has happened, but of all the things we can call Mr. Griffin that is rude to say in "polite company," one way to describe him is business man. I absolutely refuse to believe Mr. Griffin will keep his biggest star & network "cash cow" on the proverbial bench for too long; profits & stock portfolios of Mr. Griffin's overlords will be negatively affected. For all intense & purposes, Mr. Griffin has decided to hold his breath until his face turns blue. Once he feels like people are paying attention to him again & acknowledging his authority, Keith Olbermann will be back behind the Countdown desk where he belongs. In the meantime, I anxiously await word from Phil Griffin's office of the suspensions of Mourning Joe & Uncle Pat for THEIR contributions to GOBP candidates that I'm sure they didn't let Mr. Griffin know about. In the tip jar, I'll provide contact information for Mr. Griffin to professionally but persistently urge Keith Olbermann's reinstatement. ****
I do not envy this Thomas Roberts dude for hosting the show tonight after what happened today; it took some guts! He even acknowledged what happened today in the intro – with the number of days until the 2012 POTUS election. :D
#5 "The Audacity of Concessions" AKA "The Unkindest Cut" AKA "Taxing Questions" - There just might be some sort of compromise about tax cut extension in light of the pulverizing the Dems took on Tuesday. There might be a temporary extension of tax cuts for the super – rich. The dollar figure of what’s considered to be "the super rich" might be tinkered with as well. Small Price to Pay Goldilocks is still pushing the tax cut – job creation memo. Wow, the GOBP is actually saying that the billions of dollars that will be added to the deficit with the tax cut extensions will be worth it?! But, what about the children? Won’t someone think of the children who will be saddled with this debt??!! That’s all the GOBP could cry about during the HCR debate!
According to a recent poll, most voters think the 112th Congress’ top priority should be CUTTING the deficit. Spending to create jobs was the second most popular; a distant 3rd was cutting taxes. AND, just 29% of GOBPers in that poll thought cutting taxes should be the top priority! David Cay Johnston is here to talk tax cuts. And, he made a FABOO point about what the GOBP would say about President Obama’s roll in increasing the deficit in the heat of a Presidential campaign in 2 years – even though it was their sparkin’ idea to extend the damn cuts. We also got a little review of what "small business" REALLY means! YIKES! Mr. Johnston had some not – so – kind words about President Obama’s leadership in making clear the bill of goods the GOBP is bull pucky! Mr. Johnston wants infrastructure projects to begin yesterday, he wants money put into education, and he wants money put into scientific research. Well dear, you’re gonna have the wrong damn Congress for 2 years for those priorities. Another tax cut memo is to make the tax breaks for the middle class permanent & extend the cuts for only the super rich for a year or 2 thereby making the GOBP at some point fight for the most rich among us. That sounds good in theory, but the current state of the GOBP will have no problem or no shame whatsoever in making that argument. Remember what {insert retching noise here} Rand Paul said about our obligation to the rich the other night?
Heather McGhee is talking tax cuts, too. The Recovery Act gave the middle class the biggest tax cut in history. Except, precious few realize it because they didn’t get that check in the mail like the last time under WhatsHisName’s administration. She did a wonderful job in explaining why extension of tax cuts for the most wealthy is the WORST & LEAST EFFECTIVE way to create jobs! 12 million people could be put to work for the $700 billion that will be created if the super rich tax cuts are extended. DAMN!
#4 " ‘The Single Most Important Thing’*" AKA "Lead Story" AKA "The Way Forward" - A couple of Congressional GOBP "leaders" aren’t exactly thrilled with Mitchie McConnell’s "we want President Obama to be a one termer" remarks. Small Price to Pay Goldilocks is one of them. Small Price to Pay Goldilocks insists he wants to cut spending. Mitchie’s even trying to step back a bit on what he said. Ryan Grim gets to talk GOBP Congressional "leaders" playing good cop – bad cop. A government shut – down may or may not be on the table; that question is more in the House’s court. Holy $hit. Rep. Steve "The Austin IRS Building Deserved to Have a Plane Crash Into It" King says he has enough vote to create some law that would end citizenship rights for children of undocumented workers born in this country. Uh, ya’ can’t do that by a law, you hateful racist xenophobic $HIT; you would have to amend the Constitution, dear!
Oh goody, Marco Rubio gets to make the first GOBP Saturday speech tomorrow. Will any of it be in Spanish? Doesn’t he want to enact some law making English the official language or something of that ilk?! Mr. Rubio’s the new Gilligan Jindal? HA! Yea, Gilligan Jindal’s post – address "response" is STILL making waves – and not in a good way. ;D Mr. Rubio might actually be the "great white hope" for the GOBP. Lovely. Nancy Pelosi is still intent on getting tax cuts for the middle class passed in the lame duck session. Yea, good luck on that score, honey.
** There are braziers on a bridge in Mississippi! I can imagine some southern ministers having heart palpitations at the sight. A new Barbie doll has a camera in a hole in her chest & an LCD screen in her back. YIKES! Some karate dude got a little carried away with his board breaking – OUCH! **
#3 "Pelosi’s Next Fight" AKA "Victim of Her Success?" - Nancy Pelosi announced today her intention to run for Minority Leader for the new House of Representatives. Some "blue dog Dems" {insert retching noise here} aren’t wild about that idea – MORANS!
Rep. Heath Schuler announced he’s running against her. He claimed that since Nancy "didn’t do her job," she should be "fired." How many Dem Blue Dogs got their clocks cleaned the other day? Rep. Steny Hoyer wants Rep. Jim Clyburn’s job now. Eugene Robinson wrote in the Post today about all the Speaker Pelosi’s accomplishments. Wow, she was talked about more than President Obama in GOBP ads in the run – up to the election the other day. Well, even on this bat$hit crazy day, it’s good to know the GOBP can still be misogynistic a$$hats! Speaker Pelosi was able to raise a hell of a lot of coin for other Dem candidates, and she’s well – liked by nearly everyone except Blue Dogs.
#2 "Alaska Showdown" - Absentee ballots in the AK Senate race will begin to be counted on Tuesday; write – in ballots will begin to be counted the next day. So, we’ll know who won the Senate seat just barely in time for that seat to become available again. ;D And, the ballot counting sites will be lousy with lawyers. Joe Miller was in a coffee shop in Wasilla? I thought $aint $arah from Wasilla had made Mr. Miller persona non grata way before now! OK, I see why he was allowed back in Wasilla; he said "that woman" would make a good POTUS candidate – gotcha. ;D
[And, here’s the bit about Keith. Mr. Roberts didn’t really begin with much of what we didn’t know already, but he seems pretty confident that Keith will be back; at least that’s how I took what he said.]
#1 "Space Peanut" - And, it’s a peanut the size of a mountain; that’s a damn big peanut! Is it wearing a top hat, a monocle, and carrying a cane? ;D Derrick Pitts gets to talk peanut – shaped comet tonight. Ya’ know, that comet DOES sort of look like a giant chicken drumstick!