Early today, an aide to Senator-turned-lobbyist Dan Coats e-mailed Ben Smith a statement from Coats on his candidacy for his old seat in the U.S. Senate.
Here is that statement -- complete with translation from Coats' politicalese into English:
Throughout my life, I have been drawn to serving my country, starting as a young man in the Army, and then as a member of the House of Representatives, the United States Senate, and most recently as the U.S. Ambassador to Germany. [Translation: I want to distract you from the fact that I've cashed in my influence as a former U.S. Senator for the cold hard cash that comes from being a lobbyist for some of the most powerful corporations in America.]
After coming back from Germany I was content to return to the private sector. [Translation: I made bank as Senator-turned-lobbyist.] But like many Hoosiers, I have become increasingly alarmed and frustrated about the direction of our country and the failure by leaders in Washington to listen to those they were elected to represent. [Translation: They were elected to represent corporate lobbyists like me, right?.]
While Hoosier families have tightened their belts and sacrificed to make ends meet during these tough economic times, our elected officials in Washington continue to run up massive deficits, recklessly borrowing and spending record amounts of taxpayer money with no regard for the future generations of Americans who will inherit this staggering and ever-increasing debt. [Translation: If you don't think I'm going to fight paying higher taxes on the money I 'earned' through Bush's corporate welfare, then you got another think coming. I got filthy rich as a Senator-turned-lobbyist, and intend to keep my money.]
Simply put, our current path is unsustainable, and we need to take bold and immediate steps to get our country back on track. [Translation: We need to reorient our country back to the Bush agenda of the 2000s.]
After much thoughtful consideration, I have authorized my supporters to begin gathering signatures as I test the waters for a potential challenge to Evan Bayh in 2010. [Translation: I've ordered my political operatives get my name on the ballot because I'm running, dammit. Also, I need to change my voter registration back to Indiana.] Over the next few weeks, I will be talking to Hoosiers from all walks of life, and I will make a formal announcement regarding my intentions in the near future. [Translation: Yeah, everybody knows I'm running, but if I save my formal announcement until later, I'll get two bites at the "kickoff" apple.]