GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting, please -- join us! We kindly ask that politics be set aside.
You can also click the http://dailykos.com/... tag to view all diary posts, or access the GUS Library at http://www.dkosopedia.com/... for a great list of stop-smoking links. Check it out!
Current members of the GUS team:
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, addisnana, AfroPonix, aishmael, ambeeeant, American in Kathmandu, amk for obama, andsarahtoo, Anne933, anodnhajo, aoeu, arcadesproject, Archie2227, Arthur Wolf (in memoriam), assyrian64, awkawk, bamablue, BARAKABETH, barnowl, bdizz, bgblcklab1, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, bleeding heart, blingbling65, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, Brahman Colorado, breedlovinit, BrenP?, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, burrow owl, cee4, Cen Den, ChocolateChris, ChurchofBruce, Colorado is the Shiznit, coloradomomma, Common Sense Mainer, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, demkat620, Dexter, DiegoUK, Dingodude, dolfin66, donnamarie, Donna O, DRo, droogie6655321, duckhunter, EdgedInBlue, El barragas, ericlewis0, Everest42, Ex Con, fhamme, Fineena, fiona2, fishhawk, Flea, FlipperWaves, flumptytail, FrugalGranny, Garrett, Gator, gchaucer2, Geiiga, Georgianna Darcy, gooderservice, gooners, greylox, grndrush, GrumpyWarriorPoet, Haole in Hawaii, hideinplainsight, High Tide, hulibow, I love OCD, Im a frayed knot, imisa, Indexer, indyada, Interceptor7, inventor, itsbenj, Jahiz, JamesEB, janl1776, jbou, Jeffersonian Democrat, jmadlc55, Joe's Steven aka Steven, john07801, johngoes, jsfox, jvolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, Jyrinx, kai99, kailuacaton, Kelly of PA, kestrel9000, khloemi, Khun David, Kitsap River, Ksholl, labwitchy, Lady Kestrel, ladypockt, langerdang, LarsThorwald, last starfighter, Laurie Gator, Lipstick Liberal, litoralis, lmdonovan, longislandny, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay,magicsister, marknspokane, maryabein, Matt Esler, Marc in KS, mdemploi, michael1104, Mikeguyver, MillieNeon, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, Missys Brother, Morague, mrsgoo, mskitty, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, Nick Zouroudis, notgivingup, NY brit expat, operculum, one pissed off democrat, OrangeMike, Ordvefa, OverTheEdge, paige, PaintyKat, paradox, parryander, Pennsylvanian, phrogge prince, Positronicus, post rational, psycho liberal, Purple Priestess, PvtJarHead, real world chick, red mittens, relentless, revelwoodie, revsue, Rex Manning, rexymeteorite, RiaD, rickeagle, rincewind, rkex, roadlion, Roger Fox, Rosebuddear, Rudini, Safina, SallyCat, Sark Svemes, Scrapyard Ape, seenaymah, sfbob, sgary, Shahryar, sheddhead, shmuelman, slowbutsure, smartcookienyc, smeesq, snoopydawg, snorwich, sofia, soonergrunt, spmozart, SpotTheCat, Statusquomustgo, Tay, theatre goon, TigerMom, tiredofcrap, tonyahky, Treefrog, triciawyse, trueblueliberal, Turn VABlue, Turtle Bay, uc booker, Unduna, Unforgiven, Vacationland, valadon, Vayle, webranding, weelzup, Wes Opinion, willy be frantic, willy mugobeer, Wood Dragon, wolfie1818, Wordsinthewind, Wreck Smurfy, x, yet another liberal, Zotz
Please post a comment in the Butt Can if you would like your name added to the GUS Buddy List!
So you've had some experience with the effects of smoking, and want to write a GUS diary or host an open thread? Please sign up in the Butt Can (Tip Jar), and name the day and time that works for you (AM, PM, late-night, early-bird...) * Asterisks * indicate regular GUS diary time slot:
Mon AM: You Are Here
Mon PM: flumptytail (Hot diggity!)
Tue AM: ** Frugal Granny **
Tue PM: El barragas
Wed AM: open
Wed PM: Vacationland (ooh, la la!)
Thu AM: **Colorado is the Shiznit**
Thu PM: **MillieNeon?**
Fri AM: open
Fri PM: **rexymeteorite**
Sat AM: open
Sat PM: open
Sun AM: open
I’ve been promising (or threatening) to do this diary for several months now, but a few things have kinda gotten in the way. Some of them may seem unconnected to the whole "Hey, I Quit!" thing, but my Third Eye (Q: Are you a Buddhist? A: Now and Zen) tells me there’s really no such thing as coincidence. I’ll let you guys be the judge.
Now, see, here's the problem with being technically insufficient. Right about here, I'd planned on putting the YouTube video of one of my favorite bands, the Ides of March rockin' out their hit, "Vehicle", but the Technology Gods are agin' me and I can't get it to embed. For you folks what have never heard what a REAL horn section sounds like, I urge you to give it a listen. (And of course, for the technically proficient GUSsacks, who'd like to help a sistah out, feel free to figure out what I did wrong. http://www.youtube.com/... Knock yourself out, and Happy Ides!
Anyway, that imaginary video is my bow to premonitions of Gloom, Doom, Death and Destruction. Not to take anything away from Calpurnia, but in my experience, Gloom and the Boys should probably hire a better publicist. doG knows I didn’t have the slightest warning that this year of 2009-2010 would contain the worst and the best days of my life.
I quit smoking. "Yay" for me you say. Well, okay, I’ll go along with some of that. But, understand that I didn’t quit smoking for my health. Had I considered that, I would have quit 30 years ago. And I didn’t quit because of any health concerns of my nearest and dearest, either. When lo, these many years ago, my then-fiancé stated quite firmly that he would not marry me unless I quit smoking, my advice to him was "Door’s over there, lover." That was 25 years ago. I suffered through the narrowing of my lifestyle – no smoking in the office, no smoking in restaurants, no smoking at the ball park, no smoking in the park . . . like most of us puffers, I grew adept at the art of the "Six Minute Cigarette" – take the elevator down, light up in the revolving door, take 10 deep drags, break’s over. Rain, snow, dark of night - more reliable than the USPS. But I didn’t quit because of the expense or the inconvenience. None of those sensible, rational, "care for the fellow members of the planet" motivations moved me in the slightest.
I quit because I wanted something and quitting smoking was the only way I knew to get it, having tried just about everything else.
I have had two dreams my entire life. (1) Become a public defender. Well, okay, got that. Took 20 years of mindless, soul-smashing, jobs, mostly secretarial, with a side trip into telemarketing (5 years in a level of Hell that not even Dante could have envisioned); one or two classes at a time, whatever I could afford. Middle-aged undergraduate, older middle-aged law school graduate. Success!
It should come as no surprise to readers that my second of my dreams was to own my own horse. (I say that with some trepidation, since I’m given to understand that the word "thoroughbred" has an entirely different connote in the GLBT community. See:
http://www.dailykos.com/... (I live to be educated and thank my fellow Kossacks for keepin' up the good work. Ahem! I digress.)
However, achieving Dream #1 at my advanced age, with the combination of (a) Extreme Debt Load and (b) Extreme Low Salary meant that Dream #2 was going to have to remain the Dream Deferred. Unless I could find a way to somehow reduce expenses. Not easy when you're already operating on a shoestring budget.
(Some of you are probably going "Duh" right now. More power to you for seeing what it took me a while to see. When you’re up to your @ss in alligators, it’s hard to remember your objective was to drain the swamp, okay?)
There was a small, still voice in my heart: You’re running out of time, luvs. How bad do you want that dream?
I decided to quit. I went to my trusty Primary Care Physician. He prescribed this stuff:
http://www.chantix.com/
The first thing I’ll say is, the stuff works. The second thing I’ll say is, use of this product resulted in the blackest period of my life.
Nothing worth having is easy to get
A course of Chantix is supposed to last a minimum of 12 weeks. I had to quit after 3 ½ .
But I quit smoking. And every ten days, I would troop to the credit union and deposit the $50 - $60.00 dollars that I would have spent on the smokes into my special savings account. I saved my pennies and I didn’t smoke.
How bad do you want it? What will you endure?
Long story short, I adopted my beautiful little horse from the Standardbred Retirement Foundation. These folks:
http://www.adoptahorse.org/
Now, this is not an option for everybody – it so happens that my best friend used to train Standardbreds (normally trotters and pacers who race) for work under the saddle. (But the next time you’re in a Pootie Diary and you need to pick a shelter to sponsor – could you once in a while enter the SRF? They’re in Hamilton, NJ – for now. They are in danger of losing their facility. End of sales pitch. Thank you for your attention, you may now resume your regular GUS diary reading.)
Here he is:
He came home the first week of October. By the 3rd week of October I was back in the office of the Medical Professional:
Look, doc. This is my dream, my heart’s wish from the time I was old enough to articulate it. I should be over the moon. But I’m not.
Sigh. Bring on the Zoloft. But I didn’t smoke.
Are you ready? Can you hold on to your dream?
Three days after starting on ye olde mood mellower, I was grooming my little boy in his stall. Because he’s a rambunctious horsealescent, he showed his affection by nosing me in the chest so hard I slammed up against the wall. Naughty horsie! But as I later examined my chest, certain that he had left a bruise, I found something else that shouldn’t be there.
Thanks, pony. Good catch.
Back to the doctor. One mammogram, one ultrasound, one needle biopsy and one phone call later:
"I’m sorry. It is cancer"
As one of my favorite fictional characters expressed it:
Well.
Eff.
But I didn’t smoke.
How bad do you want it? What will you sacrifice?
The point of this diary isn’t my almost suicide or my OCD’s, or my cancer or my surgery or my chemotherapy or my cold-turkeying off booze (did I mention I am a functional alcoholic? Chemo and alcohol don’t mix.)
We all know that nicotine addiction is an addiction of the most pernicious kind – slimy tendrils with the strength of suspension bridge cables wrapped around every part of your life. Quitting the cigs is a process as individual as what made us start smoking in the first place. What worked for me was replacing an obsession with another obsession – at least that’s the direction my small voice pointed me in - but that may not work for you.
The point is, something will work for you.
Another thing – if you go looking for that small, still voice – you won’t find it. You must be very quiet and it will come to find you. You should listen to that tiny whisper, because it is exponentially more powerful than all of the exhortations of various Societies. All the vast monies spent on anti-smoking campaigns, all of the heartfelt entreaties of friends and relatives, all of the societal pressures, guaranteed to make you feel as welcome as a serial arsonist at a Firefighter’s Convention are mere white noise compared to the clarity of that sotto voce communication
Are you ready to find out what works for you?
"My Horse" are words that transport me far beyond any temporary high from tobacco.
People who never do anything wrong, are not doing anything. What will you do?
But you know, obsessions – even one as wholesome as mine (grins) are probably not what a medical professional would consider to be a healthy resolution to a mental health crisis.
So what if you moderate your replacement obsession with a little spiritual methadone? Something to put some perspective on things. Something that is the external embodiment of that small, still voice in your heart. What can you use?
How about old friends?
(L-R, S. Thomas Wiley, Kevin David Boze, (my horse’s namesake), luvsathoroughbred, mr. luvsathoroughbred, Jan. 20, 2009, at the Inauguration of President Barack Obama.)
(Me, "K.D." and his trainer, my dear (and highly talented) friend, Eva. (Eva is also Dash’s trainer, see next photo!))
People who share your interests?
My dog Dash’s K-9 Tracking Class
How about new friends?
Me with my beautiful dKos Community Quilt made by the incomparable Sara R and elevated to the sublime by the expressions of warmth, generosity and comfort from the dKos family.
The point is, you can QUIT. You can start the Quit. You can start the Quit by discovering reasons that are your very own. You can maintain the Quit. You can manage the Quit. Did you break your Quit? Try again. Try and try and try and try. You will not die of trying, you will die of not trying. Listen to that small, still voice in your heart.
How bad do you want it? What will you give? What will you give up?
Better question: What will you gain?