Fresh off their still-sizzling victory utter humiliation over health care reform, the teabaggers call "A Conservative Woodstock" in Harry Reid's hometown of Searchlight, Nevada. Why does Nevada always have the best town names? But I digress. Why, from my various sources, the event would make me positively jealous.
This being Nevada, home of conservative hero (and suspected felon) Senator Ensign, the fun starts with the Reverse Bribe Survival Challenge. Each contestant will be given several thousand dollars to distribute in the hopes of covering up assorted personal failures that the player has spent years denouncing all while perpetrating themselves. Winner is the one who manages to avoid jail time.
Reiterating the conservative disdain for the beauty of the female form, there will be no excessively revealing clothing- although SOME ankle is allowed. There being no homosexuality in the conservative movement though, the men will be allowed to compete in a Teen Beauty Pageant. A recently donated hot tub from Utah will serve as the venue.
Michell Bachmann will be holding a 6 hour prayer session in an attempt to convince God to allow us to time-travel and return to the heady days of August, 2008 when 100% of our economy was private, no matter what those damn lying commies tell us. Barring this, she'll ask him to 'do something about how foolish we look' every time Obama points out that Armageddon has not actually happened yet.
Lauded attorney Orly Taitz will be on hand to lead the crowd in 'synchronized creepy smiling', an apparent attempt to break the will of those leftist heathens and fornicators by generating a shockwave that will 'kill the mood' for a 2,000 mile radius, helping deprive those socialists of future generations to indoctrinate.
Other items of note:
Rep. Boehner will demonstrate his recently learned ability to make the vein in his forehead throb, allowing him to appear 500 percent more angry!
Bumber cars! Now with Obama stickers for more intensity!
Various boardwalk games! Come play skeeball like you've never played it before! Against a liberals office window!
Update:
All snark aside, we need to show Reid some love. This really is going down in his hometown, and he just had our backs. Need more reason to love him? He's got a sense of humor about this too. Per the comments and an update on the TPM article:
Late Update: Reid's campaign sends us this statement, from Reid himself: "Searchlight doesn't get many tourists so I'm glad they are choosing to bring all their out-of-state money to my hometown. The influx of money will do the town some good. I encourage everyone to drop by the Nugget to say hello to Verlie and grab a 10 cent cup of coffee."