I am now almost 47, but I was only 23 when I contracted HIV while living in Richmond, VA. It was a snow day, everything was closed, except for bars. It was a fun night, I went home with a hot guy.
I moved to San Francisco in August 1988, to be with my brother who had been diagnosed on Christmas Eve, 1987, with pneumocystis, his definitive AIDS diagnosis. I did not know then that I too, had contracted HIV that snowy night, but my fear was high. The youngest of a large family, I was the only without career, children, or any other obligations which would have complicated such a move. So, I sold my meager possessions, boxed up 7 boxes to send via UPS, and moved to face my own fears as much as help my brother. And, of course, San Francisco waited for this Virginia boy.
Bob died in 1990. My health over time got a bit shakier. 1994 I met my partner, a German man who'd earned his degree in American Studies and Political Science, had studied in the US, who'd done a 6 month internship at the California State Office of AIDS in Berkely, spoke English almost like a native, was schooled in American life, history, and culture-and who swept me off my feet. He'd lost his partner the year before in Berlin, and even with my tenuous health I found love when I thought life would soon be over. Little could I have known it had just begun--but with both of us infected, once his 3 year visa neared expiration, and despite on every other front numerous immigration attorneys agreed he would be a shoo-in for a green card, HIV was a deal-breaker with no recourse. My health then was very much on the rocks, we thought time was short and that I'd started the slide I'd witnessed with my brother. What would you have done?
When people talk about illegal immigration, the issues so often focus on the draining of social resources, the stealing of jobs, often tinged with xenophobia and accusations of disrespect for the law. Of course, xenophobes also probably often decry homosexuality, and yell rather loudly to try and get agreement that gay relationships are perverse and unnatural. Well, thank god most people I know have more of a live and let live attitude about this, and I think the time has arrived for the United States to be honest about the place it's LGBT sons and daughters play in the social fabric--that we exist and our relationships are real and meaningful. God knows our political leaders could use a dose of that. Whatever. The point is: when you talk about illegal immigration, I bet you don't consider how Americans get caught up in it--straight and gay. Be gay, fall in love across the border, and you find out just how few rights you actually have. Most try to sustain long-distance relationships, or at great cost to community and family, uproot to be in one of the 19 developed countries which allow what the US does not for its LGBT citizens, countries among which the US is not counted. Some end up out on a limb, hiding in plain sight.
The Uniting American Families Act (HR1024 and S424) has been introduced in Congress four times in that many sessions of Congress. Authored by Jerrold Nadler from NY, and introduced by Senator Patrick Leahy in the Senate, the UAFA seeks to amend the Immigration and Nationality Act to allow Americans in same-sex relationships with partners from other countries to sponsor those partners to live with them legally, here in the US. It currently has 120 cosponsors in the House, and 23 in the Senate.
On the Reform Immigration March to be held in DC on 3.21.2010, a group of citizens who are so affected, and whose lives would be greatly ameliorated by the passage of the UAFA, plan to gather at the Washington Monument in Vigil--for our partners, to stand in solidarity with the need for immigration reform, and to advocate for passage of the UAFA so that those who have had to move abroad can come home, and those who live in shadow can come out. We'll be a small group in all likelihood, but the event will be momentous nonetheless. Please join us in support there. I think we're shooting to assemble around 11AM.
And if you can't be there---PLEASE, PLEASE, contact your representatives in DC and let them know you think discrimination against certain families is wrong, and that you support passage of the Uniting American Families Act.
Below is the press release written by my friend Zöe, which she has asked to be distributed as widely as possible, to announce the event. advocating the issue from also the economic angle. Contact her, contact me, if you want to join in or have questions!
Laws break our love. Our love breaks laws. This must change.
Thanks for spreading the word to any who might benefit! I hope to see you in DC!!!!
Press Release: 3 pages For immediate release: Wednesday February 25, 2010 For more information contact: zoeoka@yahoo.com
Vigil at the Monument
Americans from Across the Nation Gather to raise Awareness of Their Plight: Unequal Treatment, Economic Hardship & Forced Exile
On Sunday, March 21, 2010, Americans in same-sex binational partnerships will gather in the nation’s capital at the Washington Monument to protest a situation that few Americans are aware exists. They are Americans who suffer human rights violations due to unequal treatment in U.S. law and policy that does not permit them to sponsor their foreign same-sex partners to live with them in the States. Tens of thousands of Americans are in the same heart-breaking predicament: they must choose between continuing their lives in the States or leaving America to live in exile -- simply to preserve and protect their primary family relationships.
Vigil participants will carry pictures of themselves with their partners and represent binational families everywhere who are either separated, living in fear of deportation, or exiled in other countries where they are legally recognized as family units.
Twenty-one countries around the world permit their citizens to sponsor same sex partners: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, Finland, France, Ireland, Germany, Iceland, Israel, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, and the United Kingdom. This list demonstrates how behind the times America is when it comes to extending human rights and equal treatment under the law to all our citizens.
It is time to take [the] constraint off the committed same-sex partners of
American citizens.
Sen. Patrick Leahy, UAFA Judiciary Hearing, June 2009
Currently, there is a bill in Congress to correct this problem. It's the Uniting
American Families Act (the "UAFA"), (HR 1024/S 424), introduced February 12, 2009
by House Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY) and U.S. Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT). The UAFA
has 120 co-sponsors in the House and 23 co-sponsors in the Senate. But it is not
moving fast enough for binational families who suffer daily. As human rights activists
we are not satisfied with the way the bill is stalled in committee. Apparently it will be
used as a political football with some legislators hoping to include the UAFA in
comprehensive immigration reform but others hoping it will go away. Vigil
Participants don't trust that the contentious context of immigration reform will be the
vehicle to bring them relief. We want to see UAFA pass as a freestanding bill or
signed into law by executive order as quickly as possible. Alternatively, if the UAFA is
to be included in other legislation we believe it would better fit attached as a ‘jobs
retention/jobs creation’ measure in a jobs bill or other vehicle similarly less
contentious than immigration reform.
The plight of binationals, as Sen. Leahy stated in the June 3, 2009 Judiciary Hearing
on the UAFA is "unjust, cruel, and unnecessary." Our lives are filled with havoc and
uncertainty, loneliness and fear, economic sacrifice and for some -- instability and
financial ruin. We are literally forced to exile ourselves from our lives and homes in
America, just to keep our families together!
This makes no sense as economic policy in a competitive global
marketplace.
Sen. Russ Feingold, UAFA Judiciary Hearing, June 2009
It is not in the economic interest of this country to force exile Americans. America
benefits when it retains its citizens rather than loses us to other countries which is
what happens when we leave and take our U.S. dollars, opportunity, and talent with
us -- sapping the vitality of the communities we enrich here at home to benefit
countries that will welcome us, with our partners as family units. American homes
are sold and the profits are put into real property in foreign lands. Businesses are
closed, American employees lose their jobs, and opportunities are created beyond
our borders. For those of us that cannot manage the challenging option of rebuilding
life in a foreign country, relationships are destroyed and tragedy may ensue. A policy
should not remain in place that causes wreck and ruin in the lives of Americans who
cannot afford the extraordinary option of rebuilding life in a foreign country.
Family unity is economically sound policy for the U.S. because it keeps
American dollars in the country. ...The definition of ‘family’ is not
restrictive and can and should also include non-traditional family units.
...The definition of ‘family’ should not be interpreted so stringently as to
omit people who are in a loving, committed relationship but happen to be
of the same gender.
Julian Bond, Chairman, NAACP, UAFA Judiciary Hearing, June 2009
This policy damages not only those families, but U.S. society generally.
...Many of these binational couples are forced to leave this country,
depriving our nation of the economic, cultural, social and other
contributions these individuals could make here.
Christopher Nugent, ABA, UAFA Judiciary Hearing, June 2009
Zoë Oka is the founder of the Committee to Advance Equality: "We deserve our
rights exclusive of immigration reform and our rights should come before that fight
begins. The challenge to adjust as many as twenty million illegal immigrants and set
them on the path to citizenship is a separate struggle and it's sure to be a three-ring circus -- at least as contentious and unpredictable as the debate over health care. Why should the rights of Americans in committed, enduring relationships be subject to the volatility of such a process without certainty that obtaining our equal rights will be the committed goal fought for to the end? The UAFA is a simple solution. It needs to become the law now. With the current state of the law our lives are on hold indefinitely. Passage of the UAFA will put an end to our daily suffering and allow some of us to come out of the shadows, others to come home with our partners or at least have the right to visit the States. For people like myself, it would avoid having to up-root our lives to go live in exile in a foreign country, the reason being that we're not treated equally here at home, we’re not welcome to live out our lives with the one person most dear to us -- our partners."
"Until it happens to you, you don’t even realize it’s a problem -- that people are suffering this sort of human rights denial and legal inequality. For all of the progress we've made, gays and lesbians are still treated as second-class citizens in important contexts. Being in a binational relationship demotes us further -- it confers third class status for us and results in pariah status for our foreign partners who aren't even permitted to enter the States as visitors once it is suspected that they have American partners. All you have to do is fall in love across the border and just watch your rights disappear," states Ms. Oka. "It’s important to understand this problem for what it really is: a human rights violation and unequal treatment under the law. Uncle Sam is constructively booting us out of the country because our partners are not Americans. The need for love and the right to form family relationships are our natural, human rights. This problem is not negotiable. Human rights and equality are not popularity contests. We need relief now. America must stop forcing Americans into exile in foreign lands."
Vigil at the Monument will occur simultaneously with a larger event, an immigration reform rally, also scheduled to be held in Washington DC on March 21.
American citizens in binational relationships are encouraged to come out of the shadows and participate in Vigil at the Monument. For additional information contact zoeoka@yahoo.com, founder, Committee To Advance Equality For Binational Same Sex Couples; http://ctae.open-board.com; ctae@mail.com