To the Daily Kos community:
I have been doing a lot of soul-searching lately. Earlier today, I made the decision to join the tea party. Please join me over the fold to hear my story.
Before I explain my reasons to join the tea party, allow me to share a little bit about the events leading up to that decision.
This morning, I spent a long time with my sister while she was reading one of her history books. She was trying to teach me some important political and history lesson, but I didn't care for it. They were not exciting stories or great works of fiction. They were boring textbooks, filled with ideas and arguments and accounts which were too complicated for me to even bother trying to understand. I explained to her that I found no use for books if they had no pictures or conversations in them.
As I grew more and more bored with my sister's lecturing, I began to do some rather serious soul-searching. But not of my own soul -- it was that of someone else. He was a white male with distinctive ears. He was a tortured soul who was in hysterics over being late, though I did not know what he was late for, nor why it mattered. "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!" he cried.
Immediately I felt drawn to his presence, so I left my sister behind and followed him. I tried to lend him some assistance, but he was in too much of a hurry. He seemed like such an interesting fellow. I wanted to discover where he was running, or worse, what he might have been running from. I watched him as he disappeared from sight -- and soon found myself falling for him, too. Falling down, down, down.
My journey in chasing after the white male soon became, you might say, a wondrous experience. I drank things I had never drunk. I ate things I had never eaten. I grew in ways I never could have imagined. I felt like the smallest person in the universe. I became so sad and frustrated that I nearly drowned in my own tears. I recited poetry, sought advice from an enlightened philosopher, and learned the lay of the land from someone who knew it quite well. And then I joined the tea party.
Oh yes, the tea party. I had nearly forgotten about it.
Well, I sat down at a table by a tree where two gentlemen -- both named by the initials MH -- were conversing and having tea. One had big ears, and the other sported a top hat. They also had a pet mouse, who slept silently between them. I didn't think there was anything wrong with joining them, but they told me it was very uncivil of me to join their tea party uninvited. Then, they asked me a riddle:
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
After several minutes of contemplating on an answer, I gave up -- but when I asked for the answer, both gentlemen said they hadn't the slightest idea what it was! It was exasperating.
Actually, I found that most of the conversation at the tea party was quite useless. These tea partiers appeared to be quite confused -- even mad, if I do say so. They were also quite rude and hostile in their remarks to me. When one of them was telling a story, they became very defensive whenever I dared to ask them questions to verify their claims. They did not seem to understand the conventions of holding a tea party or using tea bags for brewing tea. Perhaps worst of all, they did not politely offer me any tea, except to tell me to have "more" tea -- which was impossible because I had not had any tea, so I couldn't take more, to which the gentleman with the hat replied:
"You mean you can't take less. It's very easy to take more than nothing."
Eventually, I decided that I had had enough of their rudeness and deranged babble. I left without speaking another word to them.
So, that was my experience when I joined the tea party -- and it was not long before I "unjoined" it. I dare say, it was the stupidest tea party I've ever been to in all my life.
Sincerely yours,
Alice