April 9th - according to Wikipedia, is the Day the Confederacy surrendered. So I hereby Declare this April - and all Aprils thereafter, US FEDERAL GOVERNMENT MONTH:
On This day in 1865, the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, crushed the cowardly insurrection of Slave Traders, Rapists and Traitors known as the Confederate States of America, those who not only cried "God Damn America," but raised a bloody arm against this nation, tearing brother from brother, and family from family.
April from now on and forever after shall be remembered as US FEDERAL GOVERNMENT MONTH. In this month we declare that those who would try to rip this nation asunder will pay dearly with their blood and treasure. Those who would uphold the evil of slavery will forever know the wrath of the righteous US FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, who rolled upon the southern devils and slaughtered them like the cowardly pigs they were - horrific men and women who fought to keep others in bondage - they are forever branded as SLAVERS - human excreta unworthy of remembrance save for the lesson learned in their bloody demise.
America is a land of freedom. Each state is unique in its characteristics and charms. But our founders ensured freedom and peace with the installation of a strong central government, one that would overrule abuses like the keeping of fellow human beings in chains. We forever curse and disavow the CONFEDERACY, that land of disenfranchised souls living at the mercy of the rapist Plantation owner or brutal overseer, the crack of the whip their national anthem, the muffled cry of the impoverished and the exploited their hymn! Remember, alll Americans, that the terror of slavery remained unfettered until Uncle Sam stepped forward with a terrible wrath and breathed Fire and Death across the fields and towns and cities of the insurrectionists, his mighty arm, sleeved in red, white and blue, wielding the sword of victory!
God Bless the Strong American Government, protector of the weak, and destroyer of the evil...