Superman, on an intersteller mission to investigate a rupture in the Phantom Zone, has finally returned to Earth. His first order of business will be to stop the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico and clean up the leaked oil.
"I will lower this giant cap over the wellhead, fuse it on with my heat vision, then drill down through the mantle and insert a relief pipe to relieve the pressure on the cap. It should take me 10 minutes or so."
When asked how he plans to clean up the oil... Superman said he would give it some thought, that he was "deciding between freezing the upper layer of water with my super freeze breath or creating a giant vortex with my super speed to suck up the oil."
More in extended...
UPDATE:
Superman is dead. In a scene that shocked the world, Superman was pulled from the Gulf by divers, having drowned in 5000 feet of water. His oil-covered body was lifted by helicopter to a waiting BP ship.
BP officials, confronted by the news, were questioned by a visably shaken Lois Lane, filling in for Clark Kent, about how this could have happened.
"Turns out we made the pipe out of Kryptonite," a BP official said. "Our engineering firm, Luther Industries, assured us it was cheaper." Luthor Industries, a subsidiary of Haliburton, could not be reached for comment.
Superman makes the 2nd member of the Justice League killed due to the leak. When the leak initially started, Aquaman attempted to stop it, but caused the death of 2 blue whales, 11 dolphins and 20 electric eels he had summoned to the site, sufficated from oil. In attempting to save the whales, he too succumb, the oil plugging the gills he uses to breathe under water.
The Flash, asked if he could at least create a vortex with his superspeed to help clean up the oil, said "No thanks.. that things a deathtrap."