I live in Miami. I love it here. I'm from NYC, and the desire to escape icy winters was part of my decision to (hopefully) relocate permanently to Florida. I went to college at the University of Miami, so it was a place I already revered. However, I am a big sports fan and this oil spill is making me nervous about the future of collegiate and professional sports.
Over the last 40-something days I've watched this roiling gush of oil rise from the depths of the Gulf of Mexico, as have most of you. I knew the Gulf was toast from the start and the lies and idiocy of BP have infuriated me to no end.
I saw something on the Yahoo.com front page. It was supposed to be a uniquely fishy item at the new Florida Marlins stadium that is being built. I didn't click through; I just came to DK (an abbreviation we can believe in).
So many diaries have illuminated the potential damage to the food chain, coastal life, tourism, sea life at all depths, if hurricanes hit all the oil (won't oil on the surface increase water temperature when heated by the sun?), and the environment as a whole. I wrote a lightly read diary about our species' learned helplessness a few days back to add to the pile.
But we've left something out. Hasn't anyone thought about sports teams? If there are no Marlins left in the region, then the Marlins may have to change their name. How does Florida Gushers sound? How about Florida Top Kills, or my personal favorite: Florida Junk Shots.
Likewise, the Tampa Bay Rays might have a problem. Tampa Bay Oilers might work. It used to work in the NFL. They even had a little oil derrick logo on the helmet...How delightfully cute!
There's more. I mean, if the hurricanes do take that oil and dump it all over the south east U.S., then my Alma Mater could be University of Miami Oilcanes, with poor Sebastian the Ibis coated in thick gooey crude. The new logo is probably being shown on tons of networks as you read this, but it's not a cartoon rendering! The mascot of my beloved school is actually on T.V.!!!
Think about the advertising opportunity for players like Exxon and BP (if it survives this epic debacle).
But wait, there's more. U of Alabama could change its name from the Crimson Tide to the Black Tide. Aside from racial undertones, I think it works. It'll definitely fly in Shelby's Alabama.
The Florida Gators will be okay, since alligators can live through nearly anything. And I think the Seminoles are doing fine with casinos, so who gives a fuck about them? We didn't have to use oil to wipe them out, just small pox blankets and alcohol.
Duke would become the Duke Crude Devils; Clemson Black Panthers; Jacksonville Black Panthers.
The Miami Dolphins would be called The Miami. Because dolphins probably won't like the east coast too much before long.
This is total snark. I can barely contain my pissed-offed-ness. Feel free to add in your school or sports team with its new name. I'd prefer Gulf Coast and East Coast Cities, because those are the places that are gonna take the damage. Canada too, b/c you'll probably get some of the BP gift that keeps on giving.