So I log on to weather.com this morning to see if I might need my umbrella, and I notice that they posted yesterday's high temperature as 73°. WTF??? There is no way it was 73° yesterday! For one thing, I took my dogs out for a walk early yesterday morning, and I specifically remember putting my jacket on before I left the house. I never wear a jacket in 73° weather. Never! Who would? You'd have to be an idiot, or mentally defective, or both, or a mentally defective idiot, or a potted plant, or some wine-sipping ooh-la-la Frenchie to put on a jacket when it's 73°.
I mean, do they even know what 73° feels like? I even asked my wife if she was going to wear a jacket yesterday, and she said probably. So were both of us wrong?
Naturally, I assume that weather.com made an error, so I check a couple other sites - local newspaper, local TV station. Holy shit! Every single one of them has yesterday's high temperature listed as 73°.
Would you assume a conspiracy at this point? I did - and with good reason as it turns out. After doing a couple minutes of detailed, very intense research, I discovered that most sites are getting their weather data from one source. One corrupt government agency named...wait for it... The National Weather Service! Fortunately, I was able to dig out some information on them, cleverly hidden in this cryptic and misleading URL: http://www.weather.gov/.
So, not only are we getting information we know is obviously wrong (because of how things feel to us in the real world, not some climate-controlled Washington office), we are paying for this bad data with our hard-earned tax dollars!
Well the National Weather Service can kiss my big, cold ass! I know I was uncomfortable yesterday and no amount of technocratic double-speak about humidity or wind-chill-factors or cloud cover or dew points is going to change my mind. Climb out of your freakin' weather balloons, National Weather Service hacks, and walk my dogs in my shoes for a while. Maybe then you won't be so quick to try to convince me that the ambient temperature was within a range generally considered ideal for our species.
As a protest, please wear a jacket on September 23, the first day of Autumn.
Or is it???