Okay guys, I'm spilling the beans. Whether you'll admit it out loud or not, we all know we're no match for Limbaugh, Beck, Fox News and the genius at Gateway Pundit. I was reading a post by Jim Hoft today regarding Obama's dye jobs. Yes, they've figured that out too. You know, how he dyes his hair darker for his youthful, cheer leading appearances, and sprays in gray to make him look the elder statesman for more somber times like the Tucson Pep Rally (oops I meant memorial, sorry!). The commenters know all about our revolution plans, though they were certain we would be violent. I just can't keep up this under wraps any longer and since they are expecting violence from us I am concerned one of us may get hurt. So I'm going to tell them everything. I'm not that articulate so I'm preposting my confession here. Please help me with editing or important info I've overlooked.
Dear Tea Party,
Since you've managed to figure us libs out, I might as well come clean. We admit you're much smarter than us so I may as well give you details now. It was only a matter of time before they showed up on Beck's chalkboard anyway. My comrades will be furious with me for this, but I can see from your brilliant musings that resistance is futile. Here goes
The revolution will begin the first Friday after the second coming at 3:00 (EST). The way we figure it, most of you will have been raptured and the rest will be exhausted from working your day job and battling Satan after hours. On the other hand, since we're all lazy slackers living off welfare, we'll not only be well-rested but hopped up on Red Bull and it will be easy as pie to waltz into the capitol and take over.
At first we were keeping an up-to-date listing of the republicans in office but soon we realized that wasn't necessary. The tea party is so popular that by 2012, there won't be a single democrat left in congress and since they (the tea party caucus) will all have been raptured, their offices will be empty and ready for squatting. We just haven't decided who'll we'll put in the now empty oval office, (President Sarah Palin having been among the first of the rapturees). We're down to three final candidates, George Soros, Michael Moore and Sean Penn (Well, actually Penn isn't in the running but we keep telling him that to shut him up. Talk about hissy fits).
The liberal media, as you well know, has been assisting us with our insidious plot but, dog-gone-it, with Beck and Limbaugh on the case, we never stood a chance. Please be merciful. I'm not too worried about the water boarding, Senator Bond told me it was like doing the backstroke and I've always been a strong swimmer. My biggest concern is the human pyramids. You see, I have carpal tunnel syndrome and it's really hurts to bend my wrist at a 90 degree angle. Is it too early to put in my order for lemon chicken? Rep. Hunter said the chefs at Gitmo are wonderful.
Since I'm confessing up front, you'll take it easy on me, right? Just don't throw me in a cell with Sean Penn (really, he's SUCH a bitch).
Thanks and have a nice day,
Shades