Sponsor: Marsha Blackburn
Cosponsors: Michele Bachmann, Virginia Foxx
Introduction:
Sperm are alive; they move and their intelligence is shown by their egg hunting expertise even in the darkest regions of them all. Against all the odds these brave little soldiers travel incomprehensible distances guided by Jesus and coral Satan's egg deep inside the innertubes. Spurred on by the holy ghost they penetrate the wall of evil and bring purity to the inner core where life springs instantly from god's great hand.
Object:
To prevent the waste of god's little soldiers, they are safer in the testes where they can live and gambol freely for up to seventy days. When shed needlessly their poor little lives are extinguished after a mere few hours.
Resolution
To prevent this needless shortening of their little lives it is proposed vasectomies are the only failsafe solution, thereby god's little soldiers can live happy to the end of their days without suffering indecent exposure. To enable procreation it is suggested freezing of the sperm since their treasured lives can be extended until the rapture has come.
We therefore ask the house in the name of humanity and the protection of life to pass this resolution.
Amen.
Updated by LaFeminista at Mon Feb 21, 2011, 02:40:01 PM
Proposed Amendment
John Boehner [aka blue aardvark]
The speaker moves that from henceforth sperm should be referred to as god-drops..