part 1:
http://www.dailykos.com/...
William Blake quotation: "When the doors of perception are cleansed, things will appear to man as they truly are...infinite."
In my Father's house are many mansions: if [it were] not [so], I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. John 14:2
I was woken by Mauley next to my bed crying and crying. Mauley never cried. In my drugged stupor I fell out of bed and kept saying, “I’m sorry I'm sorry.” I would never hurt my dog. I wanted us both to go to sleep and never wake up. The next few hours are like a dream. I threw up the minute I got out of bed and kept throwing up. I know this is why I did not die that night. Mauley kept crying. Somehow I dragged myself to the door and let her out. I think she went out to throw up. It seemed to me several days went by in my drugged state. Hours and time were not real. I kept passing out and waking up to Mauley crying. My door was wide open. I cared more about what was happening to Mauley than myself. My dog has never cried before. Never in her eight years to that time had she cried.
I guess I called my daughter and told her I tried to kill my dog. I had no conception of time and actually thought three days had passed. My daughter called an ambulance on me and they took me kicking and yelling, I didn’t want to go, out of my trailer, leaving Mauley crying and the door wide open. When I got to the hospital I called my sister. I refused to commit myself or let them take my blood. My sister stayed with me. They would not let me out of the room while they got a court order to take my blood, which took about eight hours. Then they handcuffed me and took me to the mental hospital.
Many people that were also staying at the hospital came to me during my nine days I spent there, young, old, men, women, and would quietly or privately say to me “you remind me of my dad when my mother died.” or “you remind me of my grandmother when my grandfather died.” And even when we would be in a group or outside smoking, they would say to me, “You don’t belong here.” They said this many times to me. They understood exactly how I felt and why I did what I did, while no one in my life could. They recognized how people who have lived together and loved someone most of their lives feel when that person is gone. I ended up liking very many of them and in my motherly, teacher way, I would listen to them; and many of them confided in me and tried to teach me the ropes. Most had been there before. They told me if I had signed myself in voluntarily I could get out in three days. Or, if I trusted my sister I could make her my guardian and get out. This is what I ended up doing.
My kids had gone to court to insist I stay there, but the guardianship overruled that. They had not called me, visited me or talked to me one time the whole time I was there. My doctor asked me, “Where are your children.” I told her they were busy. “Too busy to help their mother,” she asked with disdain. I told her my sister cared about me. “We’ll see,” she said. “If she does, maybe, I will let you go with your sister.”
My sister sat with me all day in the hospital the first day before they took me away in handcuffs. My sister went and got my dog and took care of her. My sister brought me clothes and cigarettes and would bring Mauley to visit with me every visiting day (she was happy to see me, and I was happy to see her). My sister sat and talked to the doctor many times to convince her she cared and would take care of me. My sister had to prove her love to get me out, and she did.
This took nine days. I did not sleep for the first seven nights I was there. I made friends, did art projects, wrote and smoked. I had more money than anyone, so I had my sister buy me lots of cigarettes and gave them away. No one there cared that I was not sleeping. The eighth night I played cards with the aides trying to postpone going to bed. For some reason I was afraid to go to sleep.
Finally I went to bed. I lay there, cleared my mind and found myself falling down a long tunnel. Then there was a period of limbo. I was nowhere. There was nothing.
I awoke in heaven, Not that I know it was heaven, that’s just a word to describe a vague place that means different things to different people. But it was very bright and beautiful, and if I had to use a word to describe it, heaven would be the closest I can tell you, so you’ll understand.
I would describe my state at the time as one between trance and sleep. Then this other worldly light appeared, multi-hued light, yellow and white, gold and silver, it was very bright and comparable to nothing in the natural world, There were three beings and I was immediately aware, no doubts, I knew, one was my husband, and I was filled with incredible relief and love.
My first words were "It's you." Other people heard my words and witnessed the whole thing including the nurse. The next thing I said was "You're an angel" and the last thing was "You're beautiful". I came out of this state saying, “Gabriel, Gabriel."
I had never been into angels or studied angels. I was immediately filled with something that can only be called rapture. That day I got to go home with my sister. The feeling of rapture I described lasted several months. It was not fleeting. I told everyone that I had seen Skip as an angel. It had been a very profound, awakening experience. I really believed I did.
Do I believe I saw an angel? I don’t know. There is scientific research explaining everything I experienced. A couple months after this happened, I read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, and there was a part that describes temporal lobe epilepsy, and people who have it describe what I experienced. It can be recreated in a lab, and people who experience it say that if they didn’t know it was lab created they would swear they had a religious experience. But, I have only had this one experience. No others.
God on the Brain
http://news.bbc.co.uk/...
We could talk about Jung and Archtypes. In my research I found the angel Gabriel is closely connected to an angel named Dobiel. My nickname my whole life was Dobie. I knew nothing about angels until this happened.
In October 2010 I put the part of this story about seeing an angel in cyber space, and I got an incredible response which will be one more, and the last, diary to this story. I think the individual would not mind if I shared it with you. It changed my life, and he told me it changed his. It is what made me start writing, and I call it, “The Conversation.” I believe writing should move a person. Affect them. Make them think. To get them to open their doors of perception. I think a lot about Skip saying he didn’t believe in closing any doors.