NOTE: It has been awhile since I last posted this diary I wrote several years back. As it is April and it is Child Abuse Prevention Month, it is important to remember to look out for signs that may require intervention. I am late in getting this out but the message is still important...
He sat on the edge of the bed, waiting.
The routine was always the same. He knew where he had to go in order to wait for his punishment. It gave him time to think about how to steele himself against the blows mentally. It gave him a moment of peace before the storm.
He heard his father coming up the stairs. He sat there shaking with fear because he knew what was coming. Would he simply be hit hard a few times on his bottom where no one could see the bruises, or would it be like last time, where his nose bled and his eye was swollen shut? Would he be telling his teachers he had a run in with a tree on his bike again? Or that, at his father's prompting and glaring looks in front of strangers who saw the physical aftermath, say he was, in fact, just a clumsy kid?
All he knew was that he had to go into that "safe place" inside of him and bear it out, like so many other times, because he knew that whatever was going to happen, at least it would be over soon.
His father came into the room and asked why he had done "it". He knew that the moment he opened his mouth, he would make it worse for himself. He sat silently with his head down. "Answer me!" his father yelled. And he did, with the only pleading he could think of that sounded safe to him at the time:
"Please don't hit me, Daddy."
The father picked him up by the scruff of the neck, dragging him to the stairs and without a word, pushed him down them. He remembered thinking at the time "This isn't so bad" as he tumbled, hitting face first the table at the bottom of the stairs and breaking his jaw in two places.
"See what you made me do?" his father screamed. "It's your fault this happened to you. You have to be the dumbest 8 year old I've ever seen! Right?? Answer me!!!"
He was right. He did make his father do this, and he was a dumb kid. And what was it he did? He answered the phone and gave it to his father while he was watching the football game after being told he didn't want to be disturbed. He wanted to tell his father he was right, and that he was a bad boy, just like all the other times this had happened....
But I couldn't respond because my tongue and jaw were too swollen to speak...
This was my childhood.
Children all over this country experience this reality every single day at the hands of parents and other family members. Children who are abused and have the physical, emotional and sexual scars and low self esteem to prove it. Children who cannot defend themselves. Children whose abuse is treated like a "dirty little secret" by those who perpetrate, enable, and turn the other cheek in their own families.
These children feel that their abuse is their fault; that somehow, if only they had been a little bit better behaved, got better grades or performed better in sports, or generally did a better job at staying under the radar of those who do the abusing that they would be "good." For these children, it is not a matter of living, it is about day-to-day surviving.
The toll abuse takes is staggering.
Statistics show that on average, there is a reporting of child abuse every 10 seconds and that nearly 4 children die each day at the hands of their abusers. 18,000 of those children that survive their abusers will live for the rest of their lives with permanent disabilities. An estimated 200,000 children are reported to be sexually abused each year. This doesn't even take into account the emotional impact on these children, and society at large. Sadly, many abused go on to become the abusers in their own adulthood in a deadly cycle that can be difficult in my cases to break..
A dear friend of mine, David Pelzer, is a child abuse survivor and child advocate. His book, "A Child Called `It" is a powerful and harrowing tale of the survival of one boy at the hands of his mother. His story is widely believed to be the third worst child abuse case known to have happened in the state of California. The children of the other two cases did not survive. As we often do when speaking on the phone, we come around to discussing some of the latest cases we have heard about, and the one thing that never ceases to amaze both of us is that there is a marked increase in reported cases. We argue whether or not this relates to simply more reporting, or more abuse. I am of the former school of thought; he the latter.
There is no denying this however, and it is something we both agree upon:
Education and awareness is the key to prevention in many cases. Educate yourselves with what to look for and how to report cases of abuse, and we may be able to save the life of a child that desperately needs you.
Some signs of child abuse to look for are:
Shows sudden changes in behavior or school performance.
Has not received help for physical or medical problems brought to the parents' attention.
Has learning problems (or difficulty concentrating) that cannot be attributed to specific physical or psychological causes.
Is always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen.
Lacks adult supervision.
Has unexplained burns, bites, bruises, broken bones, or black eyes.
Has fading bruises or other marks noticeable after an absence from school.
Seems frightened of the parents and protests or cries when it is time to go home.
Shrinks at the approach of adults.
Lacks needed medical or dental care, immunizations, or glasses.
Is consistently dirty and has severe body odor.
Lacks sufficient clothing for the weather.
States that there is no one at home to provide care.
Has difficulty walking or sitting.
Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities.
Reports nightmares or bedwetting.
Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior.
Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14.
Runs away.
Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver.
Shows extremes in behavior, such as overly compliant or demanding behavior, extreme passivity, or aggression.
Is either inappropriately adult (parenting other children, for example) or inappropriately infantile (frequently rocking or head-banging, for example).
Is delayed in physical or emotional development.
Has attempted suicide.
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. Please, let us all be aware of the impact of such a devastating act and work to prevent it in our homes, families, and communities.
Prevent Child Abuse: 1-800-CHILDREN