The House Leadership introduced HR 69, a bill to insure that the President is a "natural born citizen." The bill ensures that all candidates demonstrate that they exited their mothers' womb via the birth canal and not by some unnatural exit such as through the abdomen in a cesarean section. To prove a natural birth the candidate must present sworn affidavits of three physicians who attended the birth. Mid-wives do not count. Additionally, there must be affidavits from three nurses and the hospital administrator, a live video recording of the birth and an affidavit and blood test from the videographer.
The bill was introduced by Rufus Zelotes, R-EJ, Chairman of powerful The House Committee on Purity, Divinity and Corporate Sanctity and was immediately co-sponsored by all other Republicans in the House.
HR 69 doesn't stop there. Since a natural birth must be natural, the candidate's mother must have received no medications that induce labor or relieve pain and have completed six months of natural birth training.
The bill recognizes that the phrase natural birth has a broader meaning than just what occurred on the day of the birth. At some point before birth, the President-to-be was conceived. That conception must have been a natural one. The candidate must present affidavits from the mother and father and the family doctor that no artificial insemination was used to cause the pregnancy and to ensure absolute purity, that the mother had never been artificially inseminated.
But that only answers part of the conception question. There must also be affidavits from both parents and two witnesses as to the dates, times , and locations during which the pre-conception coitus occurred. In lieu of the witness statements, a video of each event can be offered in evidence.
One last possibility of unnaturalness is also addressed in the legislation. HR 69 lists the single coitus position that is recognized for natural conception leading to natural birth. This one position was agreed to by a distinguished panel of biblical scholars and students of the Kama Sutra. The parents and witnesses must swear that this was the only position they ever used prior to and after the conception of the candidate. Video evidence can also be substituted here.
Swift action on the bill is expected.