Thursday, April 28, 2011, Donald Trump convened a press conference, calling for the immediate release of Barack and Michelle Obama’s marriage certificate and raising doubts about its authenticity –if it actually exists, that is. The Obamas were reportedly married on October 3rd, 1992 by Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, Illinois. Trump, however, has joined a growing population on the far right that believe the Obamas’ marriage is a publicity ploy to inflate the president’s likability ratings. These self-named “spousers” demand that the Obamas release their original marriage certificate for examination by licensed ordained ministers.
When asked what evidence he has to support his claims that the Obamas’ marriage may not be legitimate, Trump replied, “I’ve sent a team to Chicago to investigate this issue, and I think you’ll be shocked when I reveal what they’re finding. For now, suffice it to say: Michelle is a lovely, lovely woman, and—well—have you seen the president’s ears?” Spousers have many more reasons to doubt the marriage than just the president’s physical appearance. Some question why Mr. Obama would get married in a Christian church when “he’s obviously a Muslim.” Others question the couple’s chemistry, stating, “Love for Stevie Wonder does not sustain a marriage. Love for each other does. Where’s the proof of their love? We haven’t seen it.”
In an attempt to stay above the controversy, mainstream Republicans like John Boehner have responded by saying, “I take the president at his word that he loves his wife.” Trump, however, remains unconvinced and remarked, “Supposedly Michelle refused to go out with him for a month, until she finally agreed. Then he took her to a Spike Lee movie. Give me a break!”
When it comes to marriage, Trump is no celebrity apprentice. He has been married three times himself and, according to him, all three marriages were legitimate. In response to whether he would release his marriage certificates, Trump simply replied, “Sure. You can see the pre-nups too. I don’t mind the country seeing how successful I am. That’s part of my appeal. I don’t need a fake marriage to make the public like me. They already like me.”
Trump refused to comment on Mrs. Obama’s possible motivations for faking her marriage to Mr. Obama, but cited recent likability polls as proof that their marriage is a plus for the president. “Look,” Trump said, “Mrs. Obama’s approval ratings hover around 80%. I know something about public image—that’s good public image. Those little girls are adorable too! By the way, have you noticed there’s not a pair of big ears on them?” Other spousers have been more blunt, stating that being in a stable marriage makes it harder to unveil Obama as a socialist Nazi. “It’s hard to reconcile Obama as a loyal husband and as someone who’s out to destroy our country,” said one spouser.
Spouserism appears to be a growing trend on the right. Since Trump’s press conference earlier today, the number of Republicans who doubt that the Obamas are really married has increased by 30%. “[These numbers] prove that this is an issue we need to focus on,” remarked Trump. “I’m best when I’m talking about real issues like China, and I want to talk about those issues. I really wish Obama would just release the marriage certificate, so we can get on to those issues. Unfortunately, I’m sure there are more aspects of his past I’ll have to investigate next. We’ve got to get this guy out of office. All this speculation he’s causing about his past is really bad for the country.”