(freshrant.com) British women, desperate to replicate the fashions of posh female guests at William and Catherine's wedding, are being blamed for “an unprecedented crisis in supplies of ludicrous-looking hats.”
Milliners report entire stocks of frumpy feathered hats and large tumorous chapeaus completely selling out.
“We ask the public not to panic,” said a spokesman from the Ministry of Silly Hats. “We are suggesting people rip open available feather pillows as a stopgap measure to embellish existing head wear. If pillows are unavailable, we recommend Legos, any manner of plastic fruit and flowers or objects from kitchen cupboards.”
A call has gone out to clown schools throughout the country and abroad to help alleviate the shortage of laughable and protruding headgear.
The Ministry spokesman added, “We'd like to extend special thanks to the Moscow Circus and the Union of Las Vegas Showgirls for flying in emergency shipments of extraordinarily silly headgear for the country’s neediest fashion victims.”
Meanwhile, a ministry spokesman cautioned “not to take matters into your own hands.”
“We have had reports of fashionably-dressed matrons roaming Trafalgar Square late at night to pluck feathers out of live pigeons they had pretended to be feeding.”
A Ministry of Silly Hats spokesman warned, “There will be no mothers plucking in the public square.”