The NBA draft occurs tonight. I realize that we are still a year away from the GOP nominating convention but the draft is about making predictions and locking up talent. I decided to analyze that draft as if the teams were drafting GOP presidential candidates for a run in 2012. Follow below the fold for pick by pick analysis.
1st Pick: Cleveland Cavaliers (via LA Clippers)
pick: Michelle Bachman
Analysis:
Some say that the Cavaliers got extremely lucky in winning May's Draft Lottery. Some say that the lottery was fixed. There were several mentions of the 1985 "frozen envelope" lottery won by the New York Knicks. (Note: that pick was used to draft Center Patrick Ewing)
Either way, the city of Cleveland really needs to rebound from last year's departure of LeBron James and, with two of the top four picks, the team is in position to draft two candidates and possibly put together an entire ticket in one night.
While Conventional Wisdom™ says that Romney is the frontrunner, the Cavaliers are likely to look for more star power with their first pick. The pick is an indication that Cleveland expects the GOP to double down on the Tea Party agenda.
2nd Pick: Minnesota Timberwolves trade pick to Utah Jazz
Wolves get Utah's 1st pick in the 2015 draft and
a 2nd and a 3rd Round pick in the next House of
Representatives Tea Party draft
pick: Mitt Romney
Analysis:
Word is that the Wolves are listening to offers for the second pick. In a field this crowded that may be a good strategy. The Conventional Wisdom™ says that this is a poor draft class and that none of the candidates is strong enough to carry a team from the cellar to a win in next November's election. The Wolves probably anticipate that Bachman will go number one and word from the front office is that home-stater Pawlenty is considered a complementary piece at best.
The Jazz have been rumored to be looking at both Romney and Huntsman. They, like Cleveland, have the chance to put together an entire ticket in one night, strengthening their chances of a run all the way to the Finals next year.
With both number 2 and number 3, it doesn't matter which order the picks are made but look for Romney to go first.
3rd Pick: Utah Jazz (via NJ Nets)
pick: John Jon Huntsman
Analysis:
See the above analysis. The Jazz are probably looking to Huntsman as the number two, a complementary player to swingman Romney.
4th Pick: Cleveland Cavaliers
pick: Tim Pawlenty
Analysis:
As I said before, look for the Cavliers to try to lock up a VP candidate in this year's draft. With the departure of LeBron, Cleveland needs to make an impact now.
Did I mention their expectation that the GOP will double down on Tea Party crazy this year?
5th Pick: Toronto Raptors trade pick to Houston Rockets
Toronto wants nothing to do with this draft since they have
Stephen Harper locked up for the forseeable future. The trade
deal is difficult to communicate but involves trading of oil futures
over the next two years.
pick: Rick Perry
Analysis:
With Dallas winning the title this year, Houston is left in an interesting position. Look for them to use Perry in a bid to secede from the NBA and form it's own all-Texas league but don't expect the San Antonio Spurs to be invited to join.
6th Pick: Washington Wizards
pick: Newt Gingrich
Analysis:
The Wizards have a lousy history in recent drafts. Although some will attribute this pick to Inside the Beltway™ politics, my best guess is that the Wizards are simply living up to past history.
7th Pick: Sacramento Kings
pick: Gary Johnson
Analysis:
With Jerry Brown in the governor's seat and medical marijuana a sentimental favorite of the fan base, look for Sacramento to go with Johnson. Johnson is also probably liberal enough to appeal to Republican voters uncomfortable with the more extreme prospects in the draft.
California is hard to predict.
8th Pick: Detroit Pistons
pick: Sarah Palin™
Analysis:
Look for Detroit to take a flyer on the "Quitta from Wasilla" ©zenbassoon. With a reported $1,328,951.26 cash on hand, Palin is an interesting pick. The Pistons are an aging team without a future star waiting in the wings. Although the candidate has been criticized for being a one-dimensional player, that one dimension may be enough for the Pistons to take a chance.
Let's not forget that the team has a history of drafting players that might not show up. The Pistons drafted Darko Milicic in 2003, ahead of future stars Dwayne Wade and Carmelo Anthony. Milicic never logged significant playing time while a Piston. The biggest difference between Milicic and Palin™ is that Milicic has not yet suspended his journey through the US.
9th Pick: Charlotte Bobcats
pick: Herman Cain
Analysis:
Cain has a lot of popularity in the south. Look for Charlotte to listen to the extreme right wing of the fan base and choose the pizza magnate. His "in your face" defensive style could prove useful.
10th Pick: Milwaukee Bucks
pick: Vern Weunsche/ Andy Martin/ Buddy Roemer
Analysis:
This pick signifies just how much hope the GOP has for Rick Santorum's ability to carry a team very far into the playoffs. Look for the Bucks to take a flyer on unknown talent.
11th Pick: Golden State Warriors
pick: Ron Paul
Analysis:
With Johnson off the board, the next most likely to appeal to the California wing of the party is Ron Paul. The Bay Area is hard to predict but look for the Warriors to use Paul's controversial style to sell tickets. Stephan Curry and Monta Ellis have been said to favor Paul's wide open run and gun style.
Again, California is hard to predict.
12th Pick: Minnesota Timberwolves (via Utah Jazz)
pick: Rick Santorum
Analysis:
This pick signifies just how much faith the GOP has for Rick Santorum's ability to carry a team very far into the playoffs, but he is the last candidate available with any name recognition at all.
13th Pick: Phoenix Suns
pick: John McCain
Analysis:
This will be a controversial pick for Phoenix but follow my logic. Head Scout Joe Arpaio is a big fan of the Senator and McCain's recent wildfire comments may signal the intention to run. McCain has more electoral experience than any of the other draftees and we know that the GOP likes experience.
This pick signals that the Suns are willing to sit pat, develop their young talent, and make a run at the title in 2016.
14th Pick: Toronto Raptors (via Houston)
pick: look for another trade
Analysis:
Although less well publicized, the Raptors lost their centerpiece last year too. The club is looking to stock up on as many prospects as possible. This is a good thing. Toronto has not done well in the NBA/GOP playoffs in many years. It is almost as if the club doesn't care about the US electoral system.
At this point, predicting the draft becomes an exercise in futility.
Wrapup:
Note that these are just predictions and the NBA/GOP Draft is historically difficult to predict. The night is sure to provide plenty of behind the scenes drama. One thing is for sure, none of the draft prospects is likely to replace The Logo in the hearts and minds of basketball fans anytime soon.