Gary Norton announced that the crack in the Washington Monument is a sign and it spoke to him. Earlier Pat Robertson had announced that it was a message from God, something about the second coming. But true to form Robertson is wrong. He didn't get a message and if he did he is illiterate when it comes to messagology. On the other hand Gary Norton is fully fluent in sign reading and is now sharing his reading with the world.
The crack says that for the United States to get right with the universe the following must occur:
The maximum tax rate must go to 50%.
Capital gains and dividends must be taxed at ordinary income rates.
Rick Perry must repent for lying, for his ignorance, and for allowing the execution of people whose guilt was not certain.
The minimum wage must be raised to $10 per hour.
All income tax deduction benefits shall be capped for income over $250K.
Justices Scalia, Roberts, Alito and Thomas must confess that they are not qualified to serve on the Court, repent their deceit of the Nation, and resign.
Troop withdrawal from Iraq, including contractors, shall be completed by the end of 2011.
Sarah Palin must donate 80% of her net worth and future income to charity and run for and serve on the Wasilla Town Council until one of her children conceives a child within wedlock and with the person to whom they are married.
Troop withdrawal from Afghanistan shall be accelerated and completed by 2013.
The Supreme Court must rule that corporations are not people for purposes of the Constitution, are not in any way protected by the Constitution and are subject to such regulation as the Congress and the States see fit.
The US must immediately start a program funded at quadruple the currently planned rate for building, rebuilding and repairing roads, bridges, schools, ports, airports, National Park structures, water systems, sewer systems, the electric power grid and Federal office buildings.
A surtax of 15% shall be imposed on all income over $1M to pay for the rebuilding program.
Michelle Bachmann must withdraw from the race, resign her House seat, and work in a soup kitchen.
There shall be a corporate alternative minimum tax of 25%. Regardless of deduction or credits, no corporation shall pay less than that rate.
There shall be no oil, gas or other mineral depletion allowances.
The Supreme Court must rule that money is not speech for purposes of the First Amendment and Congress can can regulate campaign contributions, campaign spending, and third party spending relating to elections in any way it sees fit.
There shall be no drug advertising to consumers.
Republicans must repent for bringing the country to the brink of default.
Rudy Guiliani and Newt Gingrich must each take vows of silence, poverty and celibacy for ten years.
All businesses must reject their anti-union ways, repent their past transgressions, and push for laws that make unionization as easy as possible.
Drug companies cannot deduct marketing expenses in excess of one-fifth the amount they spend on research.
The voters of America must open their eyes and minds and vote Democratic in the 2012 election.
The crack in the Washington Monument must be repaired immediately.
These are messages sent to us by the crack in the Washington Monument. Also, it says time is a wastin' and we better hop to it.