So back to our semi-regularly scheduled essays on random topics about being poor in America in the 21st Century.
I went to the doctor today to follow up on my depression and foot issues, and once again faced the spiral of poverty. Because I am poor and semi-homeless I am on CareOregon - basically the state plan for the bottom.
CareOregon is certainly better than no care at all - I get my meds cheaply, I can see a doctor, I can at least identify the health issues that are keeping me from functioning at my best. At $15 a month, I consider it very affordable and would never consider letting it lapse.
On the other hand - it doesn't fix much. My brain pills are free because I take an older medication, so that's a plus. Basic cheap things are covered like flu shots, being seen, even my lab work so far has been paid for - but other things not so much.
I was referred to an orthopedist because of my planar fasciitis but they won't cover the cost of the non-surgical splint that will help my foot heal. We can monitor my condition, but not treat it. In the meantime, I can barely walk.
My being fired recently has stopped my UI and may have ended that as well. I have paperwork and such to fill out before I will know, in the meantime I have no income.
With no money coming in at all I will have to find some kind of job - but walking and standing are likely going to be required. My feet are my main source of transportation, we have some bus service during weekdays, none on weekends - but it's not exactly reliable for getting to from interviews, assuming you can get an interview these days.
So it's just hard being poor. No transportation is hard on the body which makes work harder which makes life harder which makes getting through each day harder. There's no rest, there's no breather, you just keep treading water for as long as you can and hope someone throws you a rope.
Tomorrow is the county homeless services fair, and I'm sadly excited about it. I'm ashamed that I'm excited about it, but I'm going anyway because I need to see what is available to help me. I'm planning to go early as I can and the following is my list:
- vision test
- hearing test
- immunizations
- haircut
- personal care items
Hearing and vision are not covered by CareOregon and I know I have some hearing loss. My glasses haven't been changed since 2008 and are scratched so badly I can't see through them - so I don't wear them. I know I can order them online cheaply with the information, so I'm taking the free exam. Same thing with the hearing test - if I need some kind of hearing aids maybe I can find them cheaper online.
I did get a flu shot this season, but if they have anything else I want that too. Boosters, you name it - I don't care if I get jabbed 12 times and my arms feel like lead for two days - being an Army kid that was normal. It's so easy to take for granted being able to get a booster or a tetenus shot when you need one - it's not so easy when you're poor.
Haircuts and dental floss aren't free, and too often they get ignored for more pressing needs. The only dental care CareOregon does is emergency pulling - so if I want to have teeth it's on me.
Just being able to get a new toothbrush every couple months is a help when money is tight. We don't have a "dollar store" in my town, so access to personal items are pretty much full retail price unless you know to ask for them at the county office.
I feel cheap and dirty planning to take a bag and accept every free anything that is available. If it's free, it's going in the bag - because that's what my life has been reduced to, to begging. I've worked since I was 16, I gave generously, hell I still give generously as I can, of my space and my food and my time if nothing else - but it's cost me.
I pay in shame, in dread, in disillusionment. I limp along the street in ratty looking clothes from second hand shops asking for applications and interviews in a town that's been dying since the 1970s. I get sneered at by "managers" who live with their parents while applying to compete for 20 hours a week over a fry basket.
I look at myself and realise that I buy into that stupid social construct that if I was a better person my life wouldn't be like this. But I'm not a bad person. I'm just poor and struggle with depression and the combination makes it hard to get to the basic level of support we assume is "normal" for Americans.
I dread being told I can't stay on the boat anymore - because I can't legally live here. Right now we all pretend I don't; it's handy having me not live here and keeping people from dying. But how long will that good grace last? I don't know. At least here I can pretend I have a home - it looks homey on the inside. Couch, bed, heat, light, fridge - hell, I have more stuff and better privacy than I did at boarding school.
But it's all at someone's whim and can change at any time.
I'm not without hope. I am creative and have some tools, I will simply get a pickle bucket, some padding and velcro and MAKE myself a splint for my foot. Food grade plastic is hot water mouldable, I'll have a custom orthotic when I'm done. I will continue to look for work and fight for my UI, and see what kind of sliding scale I can get at the local pool for physical therapy. Eventually I will come out of the spiral, or I will go down fighting every step of the way.
EDITED TO ADD PICS OF BAKED POTATO ISLAND
When I got it:
http://img.photobucket.com/...
What it mostly looks like now:
http://img.photobucket.com/...