This, I am red-faced in saying it, a response diary. I believe listening is crucial, and I do my best to practice it. I am also acutely aware of the many prejudices and unskillful emotions which get in the way of my hearing clearly. However, this diary is an attempt to practice the other side of the equation: responsible speaking. To me, responsible speaking entails honesty and clarity, openly expressing with as little defensiveness and blame as possible, seeking to be, first, self-aware, and second, self-revealing, third, responsible for one's own feelings.
There is, in my opinion, a common misunderstanding on dailykos which leads to much divisiveness and pain. This is my attempt to explain one side of that single misunderstanding. This are two sides to every story. There are many hurt feelings and misunderstandings. In speaking of only one here, I do not discount the importance of others, nor do I seek to blame. I am responding to what I take as an offer to be heard.
In a mutually respectful discussion with Deoliver in her diary, I came to express this idea. It has been on my mind to bring this thinking to the community. I believe this particular misunderstanding is the source of much anger, polarization, and ill-will. Here is the entire exchange for anyone who is interested. Speaking for myself, it expresses the heart of a problem with more bluntness than I usually allow myself.
Here is what I consider to be a crucial point, from my perspective:
... Here is the fundamental problem with "they".
The notion of white privilege, I believe, resonates well with unconscious racists. Otoh, some of us white folks grew up acutely aware, to the extent that we could be, of what was and is happening in America wrt race. I was never in a home in "n****r town", not once. But I heard people talk about going "n****r knockin'". I saw the poverty. I have compassion, and I have an imagination. I don't need to hear the details to understand the extent of the problem. I found it all deeply painful. When I was younger, probably sensing my feelings, I often had the crap scared out of me by being told in a threatening way, "The only thing worse than a n****r is a n****rlover." In those days, such language was commonplace, [and I include it explicitly here because I see no other way to convey the power of the atmosphere of those times]. I learned a deeper level of this when I was in sixth grade. I have a vivid memory of the moment I learned that the police department in my town was being investigated by the FBI for torturing a black man. I knew these guys, so I immediately understood that this was not an isolated example. I still remember staring out the window [of my school, all day] trying to comprehend how people can behave in this way, how this could be happening in my own town, and feeling helpless when thinking whether there was anything I could do about it.
I say all this not to defend myself against anything. I say this to say that I don't feel I am very different from most progressives. I'm sorry, but institutional racism is not news to me, nor is white privilege. I have eyes that see and ears that here. So, here's the gist of what I want to say. People like me become enraged when lectured that our blind white privilege explains our disappointment with Obama. It is even more infuriating to be told that our strong reaction is merely proof of our unconscious racism. Well, some of us are reacting for the opposite reason than what is supposed. For many of us, the enraged reaction reflects the depths of offense we take, so strong are our feelings and so committed has been our effort. We find the accusations bitterly insulting, not because we are unconscious, but because we have been conscious our entire lives.
Well, there is is. If we are to work together, then it is important to understand that, over a period of some time, some progressives who are acutely aware of racism and are themselves not in the least racist, have been accused repeatedly of being unconsciously racist. I take this as an honest misunderstanding, an even predictable understanding. I would hope that the perspective of a white person, one who has lived intimately their entire lives with racist and non-racist white people, would be useful for non-whites to hear. Now, can we pull back from the brink by discussing these things without falling into blame, without appealing to authority or ad hominem?
Bonus commentary on right speech
As with most things, Buddhist thought with respect to speech is remarkably clear-headed, pragmatic, and to the point.
Right speech is the first principle of ethical conduct in the eightfold path.... The importance of speech in the context of Buddhist ethics is obvious: words can break or save lives, make enemies or friends, start war or create peace. Buddha explained right speech as follows: 1. to abstain from false speech, especially not to tell deliberate lies and not to speak deceitfully, 2. to abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others, 3. to abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, and 4. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth. Positively phrased, this means to tell the truth, to speak friendly, warm, and gently and to talk only when necessary.