Jon Stewart may have hit the nail on the head again last night, explaining why Mitt Romney keeps flip-flopping on so many issues. It's his competition, stupid. Or should I say, it's the stupid competition.
What are you doing? And you try to distract the Republican base from your wishy-washy union stand by bringing up your health care plan? Romneycare? They hate that! That's like going, "Hey, why is everybody looking at the pimple on my nose? I just shit my pants!"
Now, on a superficial level, Romney's superficiality would appear to be a detriment in ever moving beyond his 23%. But I believe his superficiality is the key to his strategy. He has clearly surveyed the Republican field and decided, "I think 23%'s enough to beat any of these yahoos."
....
RICK PERRY (10/25/2011): The best representation of my plan is this postcard. That this is the size of what we're talking about. ... You know, central to my plan is giving every American the option of ... a 20% flat tax on their income.
Holy smokes, he didn't just take a hit, he's doubling down on Cain! "Shit, what's Herman Cain's plan? 9-9-9? That's three digits, right? My plan's two digits. Fits on a postcard, gives me room to take it down to one digit and stick it on a Post-It note."
But here's the thing Rick Perry doesn't understand. In the race to be the craziest, there can be only one.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
But we begin tonight in the field of presidential politics. If you've been following the GOP presidential race, you know that Mittens Romney has been the uncontested frontrunner for everyone's second choice for the Republican nomination. He is the subject of tonight's installment of Indecision 2012: Scared Mittless.
When polling began a year ago for the Republican presidential race, Mitt Romney was polling in the low 20s, and was in second place. And since then, so much has changed.
MIKA BRZEZINSKI (7/13/2011): Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, surging ahead of the 2012 field.
FOX NEWS (5/11/2011): Huckabee leads with 19% right now. Mitt Romney is trailing with 18%.
LESTER HOLT (8/24/2011): Gallup has Perry leading with 29%, Mitt Romney now second with 17%.
SHEPARD SMITH (10/4/2011): ... and Governor Christie, tied for first place with the former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney ...
CAROL COSTELLO (6/2/2011): In the latest CNN poll of Republicans, Romney came in second to Rudy Giuliani, who's not even running.
In fact tonight, he is losing to reanimated Ronald Reagan. Or, "Reaaaa-gaaaaan. Lower taxes... on braaaaaains."
But as frontrunners have come and gone, Romney remains. Let's check in where he's at right now.
RACHEL MADDOW (10/25/2011): Now, a year later, Mitt Romney sits at about 23% support. Mitt Romney is Mr. 23%.
Mr. 23%, still, a better nickname than Mitt. All right, so when it comes to his polling numbers, Mitt Romney has been nothing if not consistent, which is interesting, given that in every other regard, he has been shockingly inconsistent. How has he managed to neither gain nor lose support, to remain inert? If he were a color, he'd be beige. If he were an ice cream flavor, he'd be beige.
Well, here's how he does it. In June, Romney posts on Facebook that he was supportive of a ballot initiative to continue restricting the collective bargaining rights of teachers, policemen, and firefighters. It's a bold stance that could gain him maybe a 3-5% bump amongst a Republican base hungry to restrain unions. But on the flip side, it could lose him support in the general election for people not as convinced that public service unions are socialism.
How do you solve that problem? Smash cut to two days ago, Mitt Romney standing outside the Republican call center in Ohio that he has just visited, that is working to pass the ballot initiatives he has previously friended.
MITT ROMNEY (10/25/2011): I'm not speaking about the particular ballot issues, those are up to the people of Ohio, but I certainly support the effort of the Governor to reign in the scale of government. So, I'm not terribly familiar with the two ballot initiatives.
Not familiar?! You thumbs up'd them on Facebook! You just visited with Republicans working to pass them behind you! What did you say to them during the visit? "I want everyone in here to know, I stand... near you. So keep up the... work."
So any bump that Romney would get to support the initiative from the Republican base is now gone. But on the flip side, maybe he'll gain some respect, and a bump from more centrist, moderate Republicans, or some independents, for being non-committal. How can he fuck that up? Smash cut to the next day.
MITT ROMNEY (10/26/2011): I'm sorry if I created any confusion in that regard. I fully support Governor Kasich's -- I think it's called Question 2, in Ohio -- fully support that.
Fully support, wha...! So what was your yesterday? "I dunno, they could be doing anything in that building. I dunno, could be a Verizon call center for all I know, I dunno."
MITT ROMNEY (10/26/2011): I know there are other ballot questions there in Ohio, and I wasn't taking a position on those. ... And I don't wanna tell them what I think they ought to do in that regard. ... One of them, for instance, relates to health care and mandates, I've said that that should be up to individual states. I, of course, took my state in one direction, they may want to go in a different direction.
(Jon facepalms)
How does a Mormon end up sounding like Jackie Mason? (in Jackie Mason voice) "They could take it in one direction, maybe go in the other direction, of course I dunno, (incoherent mumbling), I was sitting out there, health care, on the one hand, boom, boom, hey, I dunno."
What are you doing? And you try to distract the Republican base from your wishy-washy union stand by bringing up your health care plan? Romneycare? They hate that! That's like going, "Hey, why is everybody looking at the pimple on my nose? I just shit my pants!"
Now, on a superficial level, Romney's superficiality would appear to be a detriment in ever moving beyond his 23%. But I believe his superficiality is the key to his strategy. He has clearly surveyed the Republican field and decided, "I think 23%'s enough to beat any of these yahoos."
See, right now, Herman Cain's shot up from 8% to the mid-30s. He's beaten Romney. Is he a long-term threat to Mitt Romney?
HERMAN CAIN (10/16/2011): We don't have a fence. ... It's gonna be an electrocute, electrified ... and there's gonna be a sign on the other side that says, "It will kill you."
HERMAN CAIN (10/21/2011): ... African-Americans have been brainwashed ...
7/17/2011:
CHRIS WALLACE: So you're saying any community, if they want to ban a mosque...?
HERMAN CAIN: Yes, they have the right to do that.
HERMAN CAIN (10/5/2011): If you don't have a job, and you're not rich, blame yourself!
HERMAN CAIN (6/7/2011): Small bills... three pages.
HERMAN CAIN (10/8/2011): And when they ask me who's the President of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan, I'm gonna say, you know, I don't know.
(in Brooklyn accent) Hey, and you know what? If they want me to visit Croatia, I'm gonna be like, hey, what kind of fucking name is that? Speak English over here! Maricon!
That's why Romney doesn't have to really say anything. His strategy in the debates should just be, "Hey man, I'm here, but... I cede my time."
Which brings us to Rick Perry. Governor of Texas, always seems to be posing for a box of Just for Men hair coloring.
He's down in the polls because of some poor debate performances and questionable hunting ground choices. So he's got two choices at the blackjack table of the election. Hit or stay? Herman Cain or Romney? Well, we'll find out what he chooses when he introduces his new tax plan.
RICK PERRY (10/25/2011): The best representation of my plan is this....
Oh fuck, everybody get down, he's got a gun!
(in Mexican accent) Mister, Mister, I'm just here to water the lawn, mister, please.
RICK PERRY (10/25/2011): The best representation of my plan is this postcard. That this is the size of what we're talking about. ... You know, central to my plan is giving every American the option of ... a 20% flat tax on their income.
Holy smokes, he didn't just take a hit, he's doubling down on Cain! "Shit, what's Herman Cain's plan? 9-9-9? That's three digits, right? My plan's two digits. Fits on a postcard, gives me room to take it down to one digit and stick it on a Post-It note."
But here's the thing Rick Perry doesn't understand. In the race to be the craziest, there can be only one. And no one puts Herman in the corner.
HERMAN CAIN (singing): "Imagine there's no pizza...."
All of which brings us to our new segment:
The Daily Show crew then covered the craziness in the stock market over fears of what's happening in Europe.
Jon then talked with Fox News's Judge Andrew Napolitano, in an interesting interview that went long. Here's the whole thing in three parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Meanwhile, Stephen touched upon the recent violence at some of the Occupy protests around the country.
He then discussed the
NBA lockout and his next Super PAC ad that may or may not have gotten money from Mark Cuban. Stephen knows, and he's not telling. ;-) He then sat down with
Toby Keith, who performed his new song "
Made in America". They then ended the show in an awesome
duet of "The Star-Spangled Banner".