This is not a pleasant diary for me to write, or a pleasant subject to think about. I have been thinking about some really difficult issues recently as one of the first people who really mentored me at my current university, a woman who retired and left town several years ago, died just two weeks ago or so. I had heard that she had Alzheimer's Disease, and in fact the brief notice that was sent out to the English faculty (and was only forwarded on when I asked a colleague to send me a copy) said that donations in her name could be made to the Alzheimer's Foundation or some such organization. A few years ago I commented that I had thought about her and thought I might send her a note, but the person I was talking to said "Oh, no, it wouldn't be any good -- she doesn't recognize anyone anymore" and that was that. It is sad that someone who worked so hard and made such a difference at my university was gone long before her body gave out on her. She loved books. I hope that some part of her thought back over the stories she had read and maybe put her as a character in some wonderful story in her memories. I like to think such things.
But maybe the most disturbing thing I heard was someone saying "Oh, but she had problems with it when she was still here." Because of course she left town very shortly after she retired, which would have been 11 or 12 years ago. And she had retired just a year before. That meant, according to the person who was talking about her, that she had problems before she had retired. That really scares me for all sorts of reasons. We weren't close, and she wasn't in my department, so it is not surprising I didn't know anything, but still... She was someone who was a fixture, one of those you thought would live forever.
But Dementia takes that sense of security away from those who are experiencing it, and from those left behind. On the day this is posted (I am writing it a bit earlier) I am helping my Dad move my mother into Assisted Living, as she has gone downhill phenomenally quickly. I went home for the summer to help them, and I am glad I did as I saw things slide into the current situation, so it was not a surprise. It is still difficult though, and not least of all for my father, with whom she celebrated their 60th anniversary in May (I took them to dinner). Hers is not Alzheimer's as far as we can tell -- there are lots of other types and causes of Dementia, and we are investigating possibilities. Not that we have any great hope of there being something we can change, and retrieve her from the person she has become, but because if there is something that is causing this disorientation and confusion that can be fixed it is our responsibility to figure it out.
I had a conversation with a friend this past week who expressed concerns over their own mental acuity. There are things that are no longer at the top of recall that were there just a year ago. I know in my own case stress and trying to multitask cause problems for me and I have recognized that I am never and never have been good with names. But I know that this person is really concerned the lack of recall, inability to organize thoughts, and accomplish things in either a timely or skillful manner are indications of something incipient that is much more serious than stress or multitasking. I don't think that is the case but I cannot be dismissive, although I tried to be reassuring. I know that there is early-onset Alzheimer's and other causes of dementia can be found by our age of edging-toward-fifty.
You know when they announce on the tv news that someone has wandered away from the home and they are looking for him or her because they might have problems being out and away from home? A colleague of mine who retired a couple of years ago was that guy. I knew the name, but it seemed impossible that it could be him. It is scary when someone I knew so well and who is only a few years older than I am is not able to figure out his own house. He retired a couple of years ago, after having been essentially relieved of his teaching duties, as he wasn't sure of himself (and others weren't sure of him) in the classroom. By that point his department had moved a long way away from us across campus and I saw them a lot less, but it still was surprising to hear that he was retiring early because his mind was going. I know that the department worked very hard to get him the help he needed in the classroom (a teaching assistant who oversaw things so carefully there were no issues or confusion for the students) so that his classes still got a lot out of the semester, and they allowed him early retirement so that he could benefit from the support the university provides retirees. But if it had not been as small and close a community, what could have happened? Could someone have missed the problem until it became much bigger?
I have never had anyone teach me whom I worried was starting to lose his or her mind in the way of Alzheimer's or other Dementia. I have certainly had professors who were disorganized or scatterbrained, but never had someone who really had breaks with reality (at least of that sort -- I had a teacher who once accused me very confrontationally of saying something I didn't say and that shocked me and made it difficult to survive the rest of the year in her class, but that is a story for another day). I also have been fortunate that none of my colleagues or friends has had any of these issues. I suppose we are still young, but not so young that it would be impossible.
A friend of mine who is now two universities on from the place the situation occurred had a colleague who had problems that they suspected were related to incipient dementia, so they tried putting him in large classes where teaching assistants would help with the direct one-on-one instruction and he would just lecture. However, he got confused as to what class was which and would give the wrong exams to the classes. They eventually figured out that he was at least a little better in seminars where his students led the discussion and he would just guide them. I don't know how the students in those classes felt, and I would like to think that at some point the department would step in and actually remove him from teaching. My friend thought that there was nothing that could be done, but one would think that there would be some possibility of telling someone "this is not age discrimination, but you just can't be teaching anymore because you cannot do it!" I don't know that I would like to be in that circumstance, but it would be easier than trying to institutionalize someone whom you have loved your whole life (or close to it) because you cannot care for them any more.
What are the signs of Dementia in a teacher? What are the signs in yourself? What do we do when we suspect a colleague is having trouble coping with the requirements of his or her job? What are the legal and moral responsibilities? Have you had a colleague, a boss, or a teacher who has shown symptoms? What did you do?
In some ways, for me, thinking about what ifs are going to be easier than what I am actually going to be dealing with this weekend. I will check in later in the day to see what discussion there has been. Thank you for bearing with me.
-AB