From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Election Day Eve
Childhood nightmares of drawing outside the lines haunt me every November, as I skip to the polls and attempt, once more, to fill in the ovals on my ballot without ending up wearing half the ink in the marker. In my neck of the woods, we've got three issues getting most of the attention, each with their own stamp of hilarity:
Restoring Same-Day Voter Registration: Continuing their insistence on breaking things that ain't broke, Republicans in the Maine state legislature repealed the sensible same-day voter registration law that was passed by Republicans 40 years ago. The original reasons for the repeal: to ease up the workload on town clerks and combat the epidemic of same-day registration fraud. This despite an insistence by the clerks that they aren't overworked, and a formal investigation by the Secretary of State that revealed no voter fraud. Question 1 would restore same-day registration.
Fun fact: A mystery opposition group from out of state is running the living shit out of a 15-second ad claiming that out-of-staters are trying to "get rid of Maine’s election ethics law." Or, to put it another way: real out-of-staters are accusing non-existent out-of-staters of trying to get rid of a law that doesn’t exist. As Portland Press Herald columnist Bill Nemitz writes: "Seriously, fellow Mainers, you can’t make this stuff up. Except someone from away, whoever they are, just did."
More info and the pro-repeal-of-the-repeal ad at Protect Maine Votes.
Gambling: Maine has a slots-only casino up and running in Bangor, and a full-service casino is being built (at the speed of light, of course, so they can start vacuuming up people's money ASAP) in Oxford. Now we're being asked to approve three more gambling venues---two slot casinos in York and Washington County, and a full-service casino in Lewiston. That would give us five gambling operations in a state of 1.3 million people. That's too crazy even for our crazy governor.
Fun fact: More casinos would be terrible, just terrible, for Maine, says a TV ad running up here. The ad comes from a group called…not kidding…Friends of the Oxford Casino and another group that operates the Bangor slots casino. The enemy of my enemy…
Portland Mayor: Two firsts here: a return to popular election of our mayor for the first time since 1923 (they were previously chosen by the City Council)…and the debut of a "ranked choice" voting system to determine the winner.
Fun fact: There are no less than 15 candidates (pdf) who need to be choice-ranked (rank-choiced?) tomorrow. So, as with any endurance activity, voters here are being urged to take frequent breaks and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!
Democrats: do your duty tomorrow and vote. Same goes for you, Republicans, on Wednesday. (ACORN made me write that! Blame ACORN!)
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, November 7, 2011
Note: If you forgot to turn your clocks back an hour yesterday, you must throw them out and replace them with new clocks. This message brought to you by the National Association of New Clock Distributors.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Election Day 2011: 1
Days `til the America's Hometown Thanksgiving Celebration in Plymouth, Massachusetts: 11
Average household wealth of the top 1% of Americans in 2009: $14 million
Average wealth of the bottom 80%: $62,900
(Source: The Washington Post via The Week)
Unemployment rate during September of Barack Obama's third year in office: 9.1%
Unemployment rate during September of Ronald Reagan's third year in office: 9.2%
(Source: USA Today)
Location of my name on the Occupy Writers list: #789
NY Giants: 24 NE Patriots: Stink, Stank, Stunk
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Puppy Pic of the Day: The good news is, there'll be a lot more moments like this between now and Christmas. Yay.
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CHEERS to holiday haggling. In a little over three weeks, the elves at Netroots Nation will ring in the 3rd annual online holiday bazaar/auction, and they're asking for you to help make it the biggest and jolliest evuh. Says McJoan:
But we can't really have an auction of hand-crafted, cool stuff—jewelry, art, needlework, furniture, quilts, toys, food—if we don't get those donations of cool, hand-crafted stuff from you, the community.
Here's your chance to shine, and to share your talents with the community. So far we've got, as tradition now dictates, a hand-knitted afghan from Nolan's mom (that'd be the mom of Nolan Treadway, intrepid Netroots Nation Logistics and Political Director), a prayer flag and a reclaimed wood sculpture, among other things. And I've heard a rumor that those incredible Kentucky Bourbon Balls from the past are going to make a triumphant return.
That gives you the range of possibilities for you creativity. Seriously, if you can think it up, can make, write, photograph, paint, knit, sew, bake or sculpt it (weld? carve? whittle?) we want it. Take your inspiration into the comments, and let us know what you'll be able to donate. You can also e-mail Karen Kolber at karen@netrootsnation.org to make your donation.
The more the merrier, so start baking, knitting, or rootin' through your stuff for homemade or handmade goodies that might entice folks to bid early and often. As always, no homemade or handmade live organs or endangered species, please.
CHEERS to holding hands and sticking together. At the White House yesterday, people turned out by the thousands to surround the executive mansion as a protest of the proposed 1,700-mile XL tar sands pipeline that would slice the country in two from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico, exposing communities to potential environmental catastrophe. (Favorite sign at the event: "Occupy Earth.") President Obama was on the golf course at the time, doing his best to keep from slicing his Titleist XLs into the sand traps, which would expose his scorecard to catastrophe. Wild guess: he didn’t catch the "iron"y.
P.S. More...lots more...in lowkell's photo/video diary.
JEERS to weird juxtapositions. In Mississippi, voters are poised to OK a tea-party-approved measure (gee, I thought they were taking a hands-off approach to social issues. I guess they lied…) tomorrow that would label a fertilized egg as a human being, deserving of all the rights and protections we can bestow on young'uns. Unfortunately, a case in Texas reveals that those rights don’t include protection from grownups who vent their rage with a prolonged assault on their god-created children with a belt. Or as they prefer to call it: introducing our youth to the finer points of leathercraft. Precious moments.
CHEERS to moving day. And now, a special message from America's community banks and credit unions to the countless Americans who participated in "Bank Transfer Day" Saturday:
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
And as a special bonus, you'll be glad to learn that we spoiled the bankers' fun last week:
Far from Occupy Wall Street and the epicenters of Bank Transfer Day, executives rubbed shoulders at the Bellagio, sipping Prosecco and traipsing to afterparties in a bar modeled after a chandelier. More than 1,100 bankers, regulators, card executives, consultants and vendors gathered for the annual event devoted to the debit card and related products. But all the pizzazz and Vegas glitter couldn't hide the bankers' frustration as they tried desperately to figure out where their debit card strategies all went wrong---and what, if anything, they can do next.
As a followup to last weekend's event, we should designate this "Send Your Old Bank A Hanky Week." We can deliver 'em in a Wahmbulance.
JEERS to (sic)ko senders. Oh noes! An email that made it past my spam filter says my Western Union account has been suspended because of dastardly hackers, and the only way I can fix the problem is to click on the link they helpfully provide! This sounds so important that I should share the message with you:
Dear Western Union Costumer (sic)
Western Union Department (sic) has recently reviewed your account , (sic) and suspect (sic) that your account may have been accessed from an unauthorized computer or by a third party. This may be due to changes in your IP address or location. Protecting the security of your account and the Western Union network is our primary concen (sic)
Western Union Online Department (sic) has temporarily locked your account and recomands (sic) you (sic) to follow the link below to verify your identity and unlock your account.
To protect your account, please keep in mind this instructions (sic) Do not share your password with other users. Log off and close the Internet Explorer window after using your online account, especially if you are in a publc (sic) place. We apologize for any inconveneince (sic) this may cause , (sic) and appreciate your assistance in helping us maintainging (sic) the integry (sic) of the entire Western Union system.
The URL they so helpful provide says "westernunion.com," but when I rolled my cursor over it, the actual address starts with "Voyage33.ru." Which apparently means that Western Union has moved its "Western Union Department" to, um, Russia. Please update your address book accordingly. Or something.
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Five years ago in C&J: November 7, 2006
CHEERS to hasty departures. Oh gosh, Henny Penny, the sky is falling...not. President Bush finally got the message from "the folks" that Donald Rumsfeld had to go. Today the man who sucked equally in war and peace is packing his squash racquet and going home. The rest of his life will be spent in a demoralizing series of best-selling books, corporate board memberships, 25-thousand-dollar speaking engagements and puttering around his mansions and vacation homes. Makes ya wonder how he'll find the strength to tie his shoes in the morning.
JEERS to right-wing bloggers. Because of their stupidity (namely, relying on the "competence" of Republicans), they single-handedly convinced the government to publish directions for making an A-bomb on the internet. Our only hope is that the terrorists don't figure out that Cheez Whiz works as well as enriched uranium. That secret is stayin' in the vault, Bub.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the method behind the mad. Keith Olbermann's "Special Comments" are now a regular part of his ouvre, but a mere handful of years ago they were still fresh and new and head-turning moments that people scheduled their evenings around. It was laser-focused rage as truth-to-power poetry. So how does he do it? In November of '06 Keith stopped by Firedoglake for a chat and revealed the secret recipe for Special Comment Soufflé:
A) Get pissed off.
B) Hear the "Special Comment" bell go off in my head.
C) Write it
D) Rewrite it
E) Re-rewrite it in the morning
F) Do it aloud three or four times
G) Get the rest of the show done
H) Do it with the knowledge it has to be done by exactly 9:00:00 ET. […]
I point out I can't supply these on demand. They're organic; otherwise I'm Limbaugh without the hallucinogens.
Of course, Rush has it a bit easier than Keith. All he needs to create one of his organic special comments is to eat a can of beans an hour before he goes on the air.
And on that note, have a nice Monday. Pinkies up, everyone. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"I love Bill in Portland Maine. Is he the best? I have fun with him. He is a great and interesting guy."
---Rick Perry
10/28/11
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