There are things I thought I'd never say.
"I miss Ed Meese" on the occasion of John Ashcroft becoming Attorney General.
"I miss Reagan" one month into W's Presidency.
"I miss Nixon" a month after that.
"Dear God, please watch over President Bush" on hearing that, during W's first post 9-11 Presidential appearance before Congress, one member of the Cabinet was absent, safe and ready to take over in case everyone in the Capitol got hit. That Cabinet member was Ashcroft. God was with us that day; W lived.
"Christine O'Donnell was right, evolution is a myth" after a close study of the current Republican contenders for the White House.
Now, that last one is a rip-off of a joke I heard a comedian make about the decline of philosophic, artistic Germany into the Third Reich. He said it made you wonder if Darwin was wrong. Not comparing anyone in the US to that crew, just giving credit for the humor.
But as to the not-witch's denial of evolution, she has a point: Look at GOP tickets over the last thirty years or so.
In 1980, we got Reagan, who, while fantastic in the role of a lifetime, was really just playing the part of a President. Memorable lines included: "80% of pollution comes from trees", "Facts are stupid things", and the contention that SS Soldiers were victims of the Holocaust "just as surely as the victims in the concentration camps."
(That last one was unreal enough to inspire two great songs: the Ramones' "Bonzo Goes to Bitburg" and the Pheromones' (GREAT BAND) "The Great Rondini")
But back to the Gipper.
Yes, most of the time he was simply screwing up his lines, rather than meaning what he said. But Good Lord, he was a professional actor, how hard could it have been to read them right?
And from this molehill of a peak, things went down.
Look a the next Republican ticket. Not George HW, but his grinning bobble head of a running mate, Dan Quayle. Notable quotes via The Unofficial Quayle 2004 Campaign Page
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-- Quayle at a fund-raiser for the United Negro College Fund, 5/9/89 (he was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste").
"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure."
-- Quayle to the Phoenix Republican Forum, 3/23/90.
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
-- "US News and World Report" (10/10/88).
"I could take this home, Marilyn. This is something teenage boys might find of interest."
-- Quayle purchasing a South American Indian Doll that, when lifted, displays an erection, 3/11/90.
Could it get worse? Yes, it could, and did, because it seems Bush must have picked Quayle because he seemed like a son to him.
Enter W.
Like Reagan, W was only playing at being President. Unlike Reagan, however, he was neither prepared for nor elected to the role. And his acting stunk, which is why Count Cheney was always in the wings, whispering his lines to him. He didn't whisper loud enough, which is why there is such an embarrassment of riches in Presidential quotes from this rich embarrassment of a quote, President. End quote.
Just a few for old time's sake, via thinkexist.com
“You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”
“Most imports are from outside of the country”
“I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.”
“In my sentences I go where no man has gone before.”
.
“I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together.”
“Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness.”
The US hit rock bottom in Presidential acumen at that point. But, undeterred, John McCain decided to dig below the surface.
And lo, he brought forth the living muse, nay, goddess of all worthy of caricature and contempt in American politics, She Who Maketh the Political Cartoon Redundant, Governor Sarah Palin.
Tom Lehreronce said that "political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Prize". Of course, he hadn't met Sarah.
Now there's no need to cherry pick quotes with Palin, just watch anything she's ever said. You will laugh through the tears you shed for the nation.
And I would have my stopped my analysis there. Except for one thing. And that was the fateful Republican debate of November 9, 2011, when Rick Perry ensured that the word "oops" will be carved into his tombstone.
If it can possibly get worse than this, I honestly don't want to know.
And there you have it. A thirty year Republican downslide from cognizant homo sapiens to singlecelled parasites.
So is Christine O'Donnell right? Is this evidence that evolution is a myth?
No. And here's the proof in two words: Mitt Romney. He's not stupid, he's the front-runner, and he is the product of an evolutionary line less funny, but more sinister, than the one discussed above.
Evolution is not deliberate progress toward a goal; it is adaptation to a changing environment. And Republican candidates have adapted.
The GOP primary environment consists of two things, the masses and the money. And every GOP ticket must adapt to the demands of both.
Reagan was not the choice of the GOP establishment in 1980. Rival George HW Bush, reflecting the sentiments of what was left of fiscally responsible Republicans, famously called his policies "voodoo economics". But the masses loved Reagan; he got the nomination. But the wealthy establishment got their guard dog on the the ticket, and former CIA director Poppy Bush became Vice President.
But Reagan changed the environment of Republican nominations forever by, as one comedian put it, "making stupidity a virtue in American politics". So George HW and the GOP establishment needed their own goofball to appeal to a growing anti-intellectualism: Quayle. It worked for one term.
The next GOP ticket had no mass appeal; neither Bob Dole or Jack Kemp were big on charisma. Into that vacuum stepped third-party candidate Ross Perot, who gave the first glimpse that the environment had changed again: there was now mass interest in a candidate who was just plain crazy. The Republicans failed to adapt to this and lost to Clinton-Gore.
Which brings us to the next adaptation: Bush-Cheney. Bush brought in all the anti-intellectuals, with Cheney serving a dual role as establishment watchdog and high level nutjob. While this particular evolutionary step actually only won a single election on the back of a stolen first term, it did amass incredible power over eight years.
Then came another failure to adapt. McCain-Palin. While Palin was both dumb and crazy enough to inspire right wing devotion, McCain had bucked his party too many times to be trusted by the establishment. Failure.
Now, we have Romney. Romney is both smart and has proven himself willing to do or say anything to become president. The establishment will back him; he can be easily controlled. The question is, who will be the crazy copilot?
Cain has pointedly refused to criticize Romney's religion. He's more charismatic than Gingrich (not that the bar is set high there). Could Romney-Cain be the newest product of Republican evolution?
Could it actually by Cain-Gingrich, or horror of horrors, Gingrich-Cain?
Or will God intervene and say Darwin was wrong, embarrassing our scientists, and saving us all?
No matter what, I'll be praying.
Fri Nov 11, 2011 at 1:58 PM PT: Two folks have now pointed out that the quote "The thing that's wrong with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepreneur” is actually mythical (via Snopes). In order to be more fair to Bush than his crew ever were to his opponents, I'll remove it.