From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
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Jeebus. Five seconds ago we were promoting the second annual Netroots Nation online Holiday Bazaar Auction. Then Einstein's Theory of "Oy! Where Does the Time Go?" kicked in and---[Poof!]---here I am promoting the third annual Netroots Nation online Holiday Bazaar Auction. Same format as last year's, because it was a big hit and you don't break what ain't broke. (That's the GOP's job.) Co-chairs Linda Lee and Joan McCarter remind us that the auction is…
…a time for community members to showcase their crafting and cooking talents! Because of donations and bids from friends like you, we're able to provide high quality programming both at our annual Convention and across the country throughout the year.
Past Bazaar items have included:
- Quilted pillows and throws
- Hand-dipped candles
- Embossed note cards
- Custom made jewelry
- Gingerbread cookies, truffles and fudge
So be a part of this event by making a donation to the Bazaar today. Go ahead, be creative! And don't forget to bid on your favorite items starting on Thursday, December 1st!
I started knitting a set of Occupy tents with invisibility cloaks, but had to stop on account of I kept dropping invisible stitches and they turned out to be the size of pootie socks. But I'll think of something!
The donation process is simple. Just go to the auction web site and follow the instructions. If you have any questions, e-mail chief elf Karen Kolber at Karen [at] netrootsnation.org. The auction starts in 9 days.
Maybe I'll pull out the ol' anvil and some sheet metal and forge a scarf.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Note: Cranberries are really good for your kidneys. They give 'em a unique tangy flavor. Hugs, Dr. Lecter
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Golden Globe and Oscar nominations: 23, 63
Days `til the 25th Harbor Lights Festival in Boothbay Harbor, Maine: 11
Number of people in the top 1% of Mainers: 6,838
Average annual amount they earn: $810,805
(Source: The Portland Press Herald)
Number of workers who quit their jobs in September: 2 million
Percent who quit because they believed they'd find a better opportunity somewhere else, up from 31% in Sept. 2010: 44%
(Source: Time)
Age of processed cheese, egg cartons and the erector set in 2011: 100
NE Patriots 34 KC Chiefs 3
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Litmus test for GOP nominee? John Bolton as secretary of State. He happens to be a speaker on the boat this week, and his fellow cruisers seem pretty certain he’s the man for that job, if applause here are any indication.
---Kathryn Lopez at The Corner
All together now: 1…2…3… Awesome!
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Puppy Pic of the Day German doggie say: "R-r-r-r-ruffenhoffenschactelmittungesecht! R-r-r-r-ruffenhoffenschactelmittungesecht!"
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CHEERS to the President of "No!" Take that, Republicans! Yesterday President Obama did something pretty amazing: he pulled the lever of power he actually controls, telling House and Senate Republicans he'd literally use his veto stamp on their asses if they tried to pass a bill short-circuiting the mandatory cuts that must happen in the wake of their (the Republicans) willful sabotaging of the American economy. Hell, Chris Matthews was so impressed with the display of steely POTUS resolve that he couldn’t decide if he should frame Obama as Reaganesque or Kennedyesque. I'd go with Truman, actually, given that this Republican failure has slammed another torpedo into the hull of the U.S.S. Do-Nothing Congress. More like this please! Bring on the Super Duper Commission!
CHEERS to comedy central (not to be confused with Comedy Central, whose humor is intentional). There's another Republican debate tonight. In D.C. On CNN. On national security! And you know what that means: Electrocution fences! Moats! Alligators! "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran!" Torture rocks! Expand Gitmo! Ship the illegals back in boxcars! (Because we're running a political campaign, for Pete's sake. Right, Mitt?) Increase defense spending by eleventy bajillion dollars! And, of course…Impeach Obama!!! Liveblogger par excellence Jed Lewison will, we hope, be at the helm tonight here at DKos. And here's your drinking game: drink whatever you want in whatever quantity you want if you can figure out why Jon "0.5%" Huntsman is still allowed to pretend like he's a part of the freak show. (I gotta stay sober during at least one of these damn things, if only to appreciate the value of watching them when I'm sloshed.)
CHEERS to November 22. Lots of good things happened on this date: pirate Blackbeard's reign of terror ended when he was caught. (The Threat Alert Level was lowered from "Skull and Crossbones" to "Peg Leg and Pint of Grog."); Ravel's ravishing Bolero was performed for the first time; the Germans were surrounded at Stalingrad; Margaret Thatcher retired; Billy Jean King, Rodney Dangerfield, Hoagy Carmichael, and Jamie Lee Curtis were born; the Humane Society set up shop on behalf of pooties and woozles; Denver was founded; and Toy Story premiered. Nothing else happened on November 22, according to Selectiveamnesiapedia. I'm inclined to go along with it.
JEERS to The Man Who Would Not Be President. Herman Cain talks about his cancer treatment in that unique way only a Republican dirtbag can:
He did have a slight worry at one point during the chemotherapy process when he discovered that one of the surgeon's name was "Dr. Abdallah."
"I said to his physician assistant, I said, 'That sounds foreign--not that I had anything against foreign doctors--but it sounded too foreign," Cain tells the audience. "She said, 'He's from Lebanon.' Oh, Lebanon! My mind immediately started thinking, wait a minute, maybe his religious persuasion is different than mine! She could see the look on my face and she said, 'Don't worry, Mr. Cain, he's a Christian from Lebanon.'"
"Hallelujah!" Cain says. "Thank God!" The crowd laughs uneasily.
Uneasily? Really? They should've been rolling in the aisles! Damn, that's funny. Cain, see, thought the doctor was a Muslim…but he wasn't, so everybody breathed a sigh of relief! Get it? Get it? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!! Next stop…the Improv!
CHEERS to headin' down the home stretch. Two events signal the impending demise of the shitty year that was 2011. Last night we noticed that the constellation Orion was hovering low on the horizon after dark. For the rest of the fall and winter it will be our nightly companion when we take the dog out to pee. But, more important, a few days ago Portland set up its official 55-foot-tall Tannenbaum. ("Wie treu sind deine Blätter!" "Gesundheit.") If tradition holds, from here on out the rest of the year will be a blur and then...[Blink!]...welcome to 2012!!!
CHEERS to the opposite of what happened at UC Davis and Zuccotti Park. We live in a quiet neighborhood just off the Portland peninsula. Other than the occasional noisy neighbor, it's a like tree-lined Norman Rockwell daydream. But last night around 10:45 a police siren suddenly started wailing as a car screeched around the corner onto our street, followed by a metallic CRUNCH!!! I ran to the window, Kris Kringle-like, to see what was the matter, and made it in time to watch a car swerve into the neighbor's driveway after mowing down a "No Parking" sign. The cop ordered the driver on the ground and had him cuffed in, like, ten seconds. More cops arrived. The driver was put into a squad car. Some neighbors came out to see what was going on, and the cops were as friendly and forthcoming as could be. They did their paperwork, took their photos, waited as a tow truck hauled the car off, and then left. No pepper spray, no Tasering, no baton to the stomach. Just, from what I saw, good, smart, decisive, no-frills police work, the kind that happens every day (and night) and which makes the sadistic outliers in the Darth Vader helmets look singularly foolish. Portland's finest nabbed a drunk driver in front of our house last night. And the only things that got hurt were a sign and an idiot's bumper. Nice job.
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Seven years ago in C&J: November 22, 2004
CHEERS to pulling the arm and coming up CHERRIES--CHERRIES--CHERRIES--DOGPOO. Donald Trump's casinos, which are designed to take your money and give you nothing in return except a persistent ringing in your ears, have filed for bankruptcy protection. Debts: $1.3 billion and one soul with bad hair whom the devil will only buy if he can get it at a fire sale. [11/22/11 Update: Five years later he filed again. He's still measuring the drapes for the Oval Office…right?]
CHEERS to "erotoxins." The Senate Commerce Committee's "Science, Technology and Space Subcommittee" says watching pornography releases the addictive substance (so to speak), which is, they cllaim, even stronger than heroin. Senator Sam Brownback says they'll release their final report after they've studied the matter longer, deeper and harder.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a few of our favorite things. Just in time for the holiday shopping season, the latest entries in the Toy Hall of Fame have been announced. They're all worthy of the honor, but I'd like to offer my thoughts on how each can be upgraded to reflect the awesome times in which we live:
The Dollhouse: Comes with Newt Gingrich Freddie Mac "historian" action figure and lifelike foreclosure notice!
Hot Wheels: Comes with Michelle Obama and Jill Biden figures and spectator section. Press the button and... ["Boooo! Boooo!"] Batteries and brains not included.
The Blanket: Throw it over your debts and---[Poof!]---watch 'em disappear! Throw it over the Republican presidential candidates and---[Poof!]---they're history! Throw it over Europe and---[Poof!]---crisis? What crisis???
Unfortunately, none of my top candidates were chosen. Despite the setback, C&J plans to continue its ongoing write-in campaign for the addition of the Mainway Toy classics that made our childhood so uniquely American: Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set; Mr. Skin-Grafter; General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit; Doggie Dentist; Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk; Teddy Chainsaw Bear and, of course, Bag O Glass The dream lives on.
Have a nice Tuesday. And as if it isn’t obvious: Humor has a liberal bias. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Professor Emeritus of Biology John Bonner, 89, has dedicated his life to Bill in Portland Maine, known to the rest of us as slime mold.
---Jonathan Turley
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