My first diary (and oh, I hope it isn't my last) is staring back at me with a blue-bordered blankness, begging me to fill the boxes with clever, astute observations or fiery rants. Sorry to disappoint, blue boxes. This first post will be a simple, but most sincere act of appreciation to this amazing online community, that doesn't even know I exist. Below the pretty filagree I will elaborate. Hope you join me there.
Living in West Texas, or as my niece calls it, "purgatory with dirt," is no easy task for a progressive. A republican majority (which includes my parents-sigh) surrounds me, which means I am also surrounded by intolerance and closed, unreasonable minds. It can be quite suffocating, and lonely, needless to say.
Fortunately, a few years ago, I ran into an old friend who shared many of my progressive/liberal views. He could always be found behind a wall of computers and gadgets in his house; by comparison, I was a Luddite, only using my old pc for writing papers and occasional emails. I would look over his shoulder as he surfed the 'interwebs,' clicking on sites regarding an array of topics, including politics. And that's how I came to DailyKos.
There were other websites (some of which I still check daily, along with Kos), but this one struck me, with its stark, orange simplicity. The row of diaries to my right had intriguing titles and monikers...who were these people? They seemed to say the same things I was thinking. And so I clicked, and clicked again. I even got a user i.d., though I commented very rarely, as you can see. It always made me nervous as hell...what could I possibly contribute to the conversation? So writing a diary was, of course, out of the question. Little did you know...you contributed to my own peace of mind on a daily basis.
Keeping myself informed of the 'news of the day' was extremely difficult, given how media outlets seemed to only touch on a story or ignore it altogether. Yet, I've learned I can always depend on the writers and contributors here at DK to give the details I need. Sometimes a breaking story will post here, even before the news websites pick it up. I've speculated (tongue-in-cheek, you understand) that some here must have a teletype machine in their living room, sending fresh stories from the AP wire.
One commenter whose diaries I always read is Winter Rabbit. I'm a Rabbit, too, according to Chinese horoscopes (a designation that so fits my nature), and according to my birthmother, I have Native American blood on both sides of my gene pool. For those reasons, I first clicked on those diaries, and though my pale face is freckled, I feel a familial connection to these indigenous peoples, thanks to Winter Rabbit.
It's not all politics, either. A good thing, I think. We are our politics but our politics aren't all we are. There are diaries about pooties and other critters, music, art, food. Recently, I baked a modified bread pudding recipe that caught my eyes years ago. Hints about being a better steward of our planet, hints on cooking frugally, managing your money, and the list goes on. This all demonstrates that the community is there for you in myriad ways.
Very recently, on a lonely Friday night, my eyes were caught by a diary whose author was desperately trying to get help for someone here who was possibly suicidal. (I feel no need to list names or link to diaries in this instance.) I clicked...only a few minutes earlier, I had read a most interesting music post. And then I find it is this person who is in possible peril. I breathed a sigh of relief a few hours later, knowing he was safe, and free to write another day. Why was I compelled to click? Because for the past few months, I have lived in fear that my almost adult son would kill himself. I've been afraid to go to sleep or to wake up, for fear of what I might find. Perhaps this online drama, played out in realtime, would help me to understand what my child was going through. It did, and it also reinforced my belief in community. How fantastic it was to see all these supporters rally for their fellow, even though they were separated by many miles and states.
As an aside, I tell you that I am very grateful for 'Obamacare.' (Best phrase the right wing ever thought up...to their chagrin, I'm sure.) I do not have health insurance, and haven't for many years. But my ex-husband does, so my son is covered. And he will be covered for the next few years...thanks, Obamacare. And what a relief to find that the insurance plan covers mental health 100%. No copay. So my son is going to counseling now, and I can sleep a little easier, knowing he is getting the help he needs.
And finally, another example of how the DailyKos community can, through one simple diary, create change. I've been a smoker almost all my life. There's no reasonable argument to defend this horrible habit. Smokers aren't dumb...they're just addicted. In recent years, as I approach the big 5-0, I've tried to quit. Patches, gum, lozenges, chantix, cold turkey, hypnotism. I read GUS diaries, too. But only a part of me wanted to quit, I think. And you can't do it until you're 'all in.'
GenXangster, you were the catalyst. Your diary, 'Tyiesha, I'm Sorry...', hit me like you wouldn't believe. There were so many things you said that I've thought. My clothes stinking, my forays into the cold for a smoke fix. And so many other things. But two aspects continued to ring in my ears. You see, I used to sing. In high school I was known as the girl with long hair who sings. I've heard my voice through the years change, no longer in the high registers as it used to be. So much like you. And you mentioned the dryness of your hands and face, the yellowing of teeth. So much like me.
It's been over 4 weeks now. Worked my way down to the lowest dosage of nicotine lozenges. I've never felt so close to beating this nasty addiction. So empowered.
I've had a battle with rosacea for the past few years (or at least that's my self-diagnosis, since I haven't had the luxury of going to a dermatologist), and the dry skin exacerbated the condition. Sometimes my face was so red and raw, I couldn't stand to see myself in a mirror. But within days of quitting, I could feel my skin changing, rehydrating. The raw redness has faded and my skin is becoming supple. Doesn't hurt to look in the mirror. Especially since my teeth have changed color, too. The benefits abound daily. And I'm singing again. Thank you, GenXangster, for being my catalyst. Keep fighting.
I hope I haven't written too much and bored you all. (Better than not enough, I guess, and getting in trouble for having a non-diary.) I just want this community to know that there are probably many lurkers like me. Some may never come out of the shadows, but you never know how your diaries may change them. Some may, like a rabbit, peer out and gingerly surface, as I did, only to slip back underground. But we are here, you can be sure.
Thank you all.
UPDATE: I keep rubbing my eyes and shaking my head...the Rec list! I am so, so honored and tickled (yes, tickled). And what also gets me-all these names that i recognize-KelleyRN2, OPOL, ojibwa, horace, and so, so many others. It means the world to me that those I have admired for their voices are giving me support for mine.
And thank you, fellow lurkers, for your kind words. Now, go, lurk no longer!
Peace.