Punta Bahia Soliman, Tulum, Mexico
Today's local paper reports about Sonny Rollins, one of my favorite musicians, and his recent presidential honor at Kennedy Center. The important part of Rollins's story to this post is that from 1959 to 1961, he took a famous "sabbatical," a hiatus from performing and recording, and he worked on his music by himself. Privately. And he didn't play for listeners. Just for himself. It's told that he practiced in this period on the Williamsburg Bridge. And it's told that the reason for the hiatus was that he was "frustrated with what he perceived as his own musical limitations."
Join me on the ramp to the Williamsburg Bridge.
Asked about this hiatus by the local paper today,some fifty years later, Sonny Rollins said:
âI took a break because I felt I wasnât playing as well as I could. I had a lot of people praising me and I felt I wasnât able to live up to it. I have pride in what I do. You have to have strength with your convictions. When I came back from hiatus, people said I didnât sound any different. That did not matter to me because I did learn something whether or not they heard it. I listened to my inner voice and that was the main thing,â said Rollins.
Put another way, Rollins took some time-- for him it was about 3 years-- to recharge, reorient, resuscitate, restore his edge.
Which brings this post to me, your humble Bloguero. My present judgment is that I'm not writing as well as I can, that my writing is getting stale, formulaic, tired, habitual. And this judgment seems to have been oozing out lately in my projections, if you will forgive the use of a psychological term to explain myself. Specifically, I've been thinking (and sometimes saying) that not enough people are reading me, that not enough comments are made, that not enough clicks are received. Habla bla bla bla. This sounds like whining. Or whinging (thank you, Xanthe) as one astute reader recently pointed out. The most recent example is here (a special thanks to Diane). The problem, of course, as usual with projection is that it's not the readers' problems. Not at all. Never is. It's not you. It's not outside of me. It's me. I repeat for my own benefit: it's just me. So I have decided to ask myself, "You talkin to me? You talking to me?" Well, yeah. I'm talking to you. Well, it's just me here. "Who the f*ck do you think you're talkin to?"
There are two parts of this. Maybe even a partial explanation. First, after a five year slog, my second novella Tulum has finally been published. I can write post after post after attempted cleaver post asking people to buy it online at Barnes and Noble, Amazon and iUniverse. I can tell you what a great book it is, how much fun, how funny, how unusual. I can tell you what a great gift and stocking stuffer it is. I can pimp it repeatedly. I can promote it relentlessly. I can even promote it on Facebook. But let's face it, I don't like being stuck on that topic for long and using my keyboard as a blunt instrument of book marketing. Boring. No fun. Stale. Crass. Numbing. Second, and maybe this is part of the first thing, the space that launching the book into the world might have created in my inner world, space to think about new things, space to dream up new ideas, space that is empty, space that is fresh, space where new things could come in, space where there is relaxation and a sense of accomplishment, seems to be cluttered. With commerce. And work. And fatigue. And routine. And dust. And cobwebs. Again, no fun. No fun at all. Not for me, and definitely not for you. It's repetitive. And boring.
Given all of this, the answer should obvious. And so, I've decided to take some time, a very little time, in fact, just from here to the end of the year, a couple of weeks, benignly to neglect this blog and my own blog. To assume full blog silence for a couple of weeks. If this were a submarine, complete silence and red running lights. To travel into the darkest, shortest day of the year in full silence. To be quiet. To be still. To rest. To be kind to myself. To take good care of myself. To see whether with some silence and soon the gradual lengthening of the days, my edge may be burnished. And my fatigue banished. And to see whether there can be more light and heat and creativity and fire in me. So I can come back in 2012 restored, rested, renewed, rejuvenated.
Maybe you feel like that, too? I don't know. You're welcome to follow me into the shortest day if you like. Or you can keep the fire running until I come back.
That makes this, as I walk away, an opportune time to post your Bloguero's annual Chanukah, Christmas, Festivus, Kwanzaa, New Year(and every other holiday I may have omitted) greeting:
Felices Fiestas! Queremos tomar esta tiempo para ofrecerle nuestros mejores deseos a usted y sus seres queridos. Esperamos que su hogar este lleno de gozo, cordialidad y buena voluntad durante esta temporada de fiestas. Que usted y su familia gozen de paz, felicidad y buena salud durante el nuevo ano.
Seasons Greetings! We'd like to take this time to extend our very best wishes to you and your loved ones. We hope your home will be filled with joy, warmth and goodwill during this holiday season. May you and your family enjoy peace, happiness, and good health throughout the coming year.
Hasta pronto.