[Little Suzie Newsykins]
Over the past few days, I learned how to pick the Republican Nominee for President, just like a grown-up!
It all starts, like the Constitution says, by making sure he's a citizen, is over thirty-five years of age, and is not Mitt Romney.
Then, you've got to make sure he's not Loopy, Dopey, Gropey, Mopey or Anti-war . . . which leaves you with . . .
Newt Gingrich, yaaaay!!
He's written lotsa books, so he must be sooper smart.
And the best thing is-- even though I'm too young to vote for him, I'm not too young to work!
Thanks to Newt, bootstraps aren't just for grown-ups anymore . . . they're for Apprenti!
He's the perfect candidate, because he's an outsider who's been inside, and who's inside even on the outside!
And when he went from inside to outside, he created jobs . . . for the House Ethics Committee, and paid three-hundred-thousand dollars. That's a lotta' ethics!
And if you love Family Values, so does Newt, who values family so much . . . he's got three of them!
But most important of all . . . his hair is poofy and white, so you can be absolutely sure, he's not Mitt Romney!
And that's how I picked the Republican Nominee for President the end.