I'm not a great diarist. I'm not even all that good of one. In my almost four years hanging out here at Daily Kos, I've only published five diaries. Sometimes, though, I have a realization that I feel like I have to share with other Kossacks more generally than a comment in someone else's diary.
Republican and DLC/Third Way "Business Uber Alles" philosophy has repulsed me for as long as I can remember. I've always been what some might consider overly empathetic. I remember watching at least one TV drama in the early 80s (when I was in my very early teens) that derived conflict from the prospect of a black family moving into a white neighborhood. I understood why the white homeowners were upset about it (that it would probably decrease property values), but I couldn't understand why that trumped the black family's right to live where they wanted and could afford to live.
I understand why business interests continually try to twist their way out of government oversight, or why so-called "conservatives" want to end welfare and entitlements, or why the Koch brothers are trying to break unions. I know the rationale behind those things. It's not that I'm too stupid to see why they're doing what they do.
But, the thing is, along with that knowledge comes a heaping dose of disgust. I'm disgusted that ANY piece of property or amount of wealth comes before a human life. I'm disgusted that anyone can even propose the defunding of Planned Parenthood because they provide a (relatively) small number of abortions to poor women, considering how much of their service involves other, absolutely vital medical care. I'm disgusted when corporations decide that the calculus of cheaply disposing of toxic waste trumps the health and lives of 1000s of people, men, women and children.
It's visceral, this wave of nausea and upset that these violations of our social compact cause in me. It's a source of great discomfort, of unrelievable stress, of tension that actually makes my jaw hurt sometimes. And I find it so hard to believe that some human beings (quite a few, apparently) don't have this reaction, that they're capable of practically stabbing other people through the neck without even having a second thought about it, provided the take is big enough to make it worthwhile for them.
What makes it worse is that I'm a bit of a masochist about it...I come here, and to other blogs and message boards dedicated to Democratic/liberal politics, and search out diaries and FP stories about the injustices and violations and crimes of those who do value money more than other people's lives, and I read, and I feel. I deliberately read books like Thomas Frank's "The Wrecking Crew" or Perlstein's "Nixonland" or Zinn's "A People's History of the United States", books that I know are going to give me a headache and a stiff jaw for days.
I just don't GET the mindset of the other side. How is it possible to value another couple hundred thousand dollars over someone's life? How is it possible to value getting another car or another house or another Caribbean vacation over a child's health, when you already have every possible thing you could ever need?
I couldn't harm or kill another person (who isn't putting my life in imminent danger deliberately, anyway) for any amount of money. It's not even a choice I could make. The automatic answer to a question like "Would you dump poison in someone's well if I gave you $1 million?" is "No." Actually, it's "You're insane!" It IS insane...so many people seem to be capable of choosing to be sociopaths if the bait being dangled is glittery enough.
I think that is the real difference between these pro-business conservatives and people like me (and most Kossacks, I think). The everyday to them is unthinkable to us. It just boggles my mind.
See? I told you I was lousy at this.