I was browsing through some of the comments on today's diary for Gus and the the Diary itself and I realized, not for the first time in my life that I am not very self aware..
I don't see myself as a real addict, yet I share so many things in common with those that do see themselves that way. How pompous an ass can I get.
I need constant gratification, unconditional love and to never hear the word "no" when making a request.
Since I gave up smoking, 6 weeks ago, my voice sounds louder to me. It irritates me when I speak. Needless to say, I am on a mission here that feels like a masochistic fest, a fight to the end with me. The urge comes up, I ignore it, sometimes it dissipates, sometimes it gets worse. Especially when I am angry, or annoyed with others or feeling fatter and still yet looking for some food to put in my mouth.
This isn't the first time I've quit, I know it's not easy, but it's kind of like when you give birth. It hurts like hell but you forget the pain after the baby is born. It's only when you are about to have another one that you get that familiar feeling and the memory of how hard it really is comes back and you have to live it.
This damn addiction just won't let you forget how much it meant to you.