For my GUS friends that were so supportive last night, I'd like to thank you and to clarify something....
I quit before, once when I was pregnant and afterward for 3 years and later in life after a bout of pneumonia, when breathing was impossible and smoking more so. I was frightened by the pneumonia issue and quit. It was done with Nicorette gum both times in my life, without becoming addicted to the gum. As a matter of fact, I used the gum as a aid only when I needed to sleep at night and if I had a very strong urge and withdrawal symptom during the day. I never used it like I smoked. So I would say the I did not abuse the NRT at any time in my past quitting experience. I was done with the NRT fairly quickly because I had lowered my doses of nicotine altogether.
I am not unfamiliar with anxiety attacks as I have had them all my life. I am a professional in the mental health field and I have helped many people with anxiety and use some of the same methods with my own when it comes to smoking.
Everything sounds like its all under control. I know it's not and I know that with the options I have chosen to use and the exercise program that I have put together for myself, I have a really good chance to quit this time and not go back. I don't like feeling "uncomfortable" and that cannot be helped at certain times. The addiction kind of kicks your ass and really the hardest fight is denying yourself of what you think will make you feel better.
Truth is I don't really feel that bad all the time. I mean I stated in one comment that my mental state in terms of feeling really happy hasn't been up there and my quitting was the brain child of that mentality. "I feel like shit anyway, so why not quit, I won't feel worse than I already do" So it's a mish mosh of what's the problem now? is it tobacco, general depression, boredom, lack of incentive to create, nothing good on TV?
It's the physical ass kick of brand new anxiety and panic attack symptoms that is the most annoying. Like I don't don't know whether to chew a piece of gum, change the channel, get on the bike or take a clonopine. It's usually at night, that's a tipoff of anxiety attack to me, but its strong and won't be ignored.
Mostly during the day, I don't use anything or think too much at all about smoking. I get an urge, it goes away. I am in my 6th week, I am not telling you it's not a life change cause it is. I smoked all my life except for the few intervals that I quit and when I started again, I knew what that cigarette meant, that first one and I didn't care.
I would like to be a part of GUS because I believe in support groups and especially when the expectations of my family are that I should suck it up and get over it already. I am not that kind of girl. I am a high maintenance person, who feels that rewards and accolades are always in order for positive behaviors and my family thinks that that the rewards should be for them putting up with me.