I wrote to my family and in-laws awhile back about things we can’t talk about. Apparently, I am far from alone in that dilemma. Because it was from the heart, the anger and sadness, it is not far from my mind; Especially since I have suspended conversation with some family members. I honestly don’t wish to cut people out of my life but neither do I wish to talk about how the grass is growing or what is in their gardens.
So, after further consideration, I plan to be (cautiously) honest. Here is some of what I might like to say.
Dear family and in-laws,
I got your message but can’t seem to bring myself to call. It may be that you did not understand my last letter so please let me try again.
We are family and love each other, right? I do, or I would not risk further conflict. But I must ask, do you really distrust me so much that you would rather think of me as deceitful or the enemy? Instead of a family member who is trying to share important information or warn you of potential harm? Have you ever known me to plot against or lie to my family? Who do believe holds your best interest in mind other than family?
Or, is it a ‘kill the messenger’ kinda thing, since I bear bad news? Perhaps you believe in positive thoughts so strongly that you dare not speak of situations that are ‘negative’. But that can’t be it since the last time I visited, you recounted all of the pains and problems you face. I told you how sorry I was and how I share your pain.
Maybe, however, you are afraid I am playing a game of “I know more than you”. Yes, that could be it. You believe I am only trying to prove you wrong rather than share what I see as information critical to our welfare. Here is another way to look at this, in usually safe language. Let’s say I am online looking at weather radar showing dangerous storm warnings heading to your neighborhood that you might not see. Maybe even a tornado. Because it is so serious, I tell you of the threat with urgency “Take care! Dangerous storms are coming your way because a warm and cold front are colliding!” And you think, “There she goes telling us what to think! She thinks she knows more about our neighborhood than we do!” “Just because she has a degree she thinks she is high and mighty and we are all stupid!”
Forget that, as an unemployed person with lots of time to learn about the political climate of our nation and the weather it creates in our neighborhoods, I may have information you do not. Especially since you are overworked, underpaid, worried about illness, with barely a buck to your name at the end of the month. You were quite angry, even confused about why you barely survive when you work so hard. You asked “Why are we fighting these wars?” “Why can’t we end entitlements for all these freeloaders on Medicaid and Medicare?” You seem to think the poorer or disabled are stealing from you by way of government assistance; You, the working poor, just like me, who pay your taxes with less and less in return. I only tried to give you some ideas and answers. To make it better.
So you see, I am not playing a game of ‘one-upmanship” or “guess what I know that you don’t know?!” Just like I tried to tell you. I truly care about you and our family. I worry and for that reason, try to think through our problems and share information so we can be forewarned, or make the right choices for change that will help us all.
But just in case you still don’t believe me, how is your grass growing? And what did you plant in your garden this year?