(This is another true story about wonderful people I've encountered in my long years of working in the health care field. Names have been changed.)
I was almost out of rent money and desperate for a job I could still physically do, after a back injury made it impossible for me to continue work as an RN. I was no where ready to admit I needed to try for disability income, so I took a position as a live in House Manager for a group home with four men with Downs Syndrome. What a crew they were, and what a two year adventure it was!
First, meet Otis, who was 60 years old and genuinely loved every living being with all his heart. He was a determined to hug every one of them whether they wanted a hug or not. Otis was very short and very round, and once he had someone in his grasp, getting away was not easy. He also loved to talk and did so non stop morn till night, to anyone and everyone he met. You can imagine how interesting it was to go out in public with dear Otis.
These were the days of "Community Integration" of the developmentally disabled, most of whom had spent many years in institutions, and now were being placed in group homes in the community. Behavior Analysts wrote detailed and complex Behavior Modification programs for each person, geared to reduce "inappropriate behaviors" and to "normalize" behaviors in the community. Otis's plan, of course, included stopping him from doing everything that came naturally to him, like hugging people, talking to strangers, insisting on trying to help carry their shopping bags, and telling all the ladies how beautiful they were, and hardest of all, getting him to stop dragging Fuzz, his big teddy bear, around every where he went.
Dennis, in his 40's also had Downs, plus other conditions that made it impossible for him to talk beyond one single verbalization, which was "PaDunk", which was his reply to everything. Also very sweet natured and eager to please, he spent nearly all of his free time writing his name in his notebook, over and over, he had hundreds of them filled and stored in neat rows in his room. One other thing about Dennis, that proved to be a unique challenge, was that he had the hugest set of genitals I had ever seen, which apparently caused him frequent discomfort that required extensive and frequent readjustment wherever he was and whoever was watching. It was not a sexual thing, just what he had to do to make things more comfy.
Then there was Jacob, also with Downs, in his 40's, and higher functioning than the others. He was also stole everything that wasn't nailed down. I never did determine if he really didn't comprehend that stealing was wrong, or if he just didn't care, but when caught, he'd give you his big radiant smile and gladly hand over the goods and promise never to do it again. Till next time.
Last but not least was Jimmy, who was totally non verbal and the frailest among the four of them. He had the face of an angel and the sweetest smile, and loved to just sit close and lay his head on your shoulder. The thing was, he moved like a snail in ultra slow motion. Left to himself to eat a meal, breakfast would run into lunch which would become supper. He could dress himself, but alone this took about three hours. I've never seen a human being move that slowly ever.
Our first outing turned into what should have been a sitcom. I took them to a mall and immediately lost track of Jacob, who I found filling his pockets at a perfume counter, got him out of that only to see store security running to rescue an very scared elderly lady from Otis, who had her trapped in his bear hug, calling her granny and telling her he loved her so much! Meanwhile, Dennis was signaling he really had to go to the bathroom by unzipping his pants and revealing all of his natural wonders! The only good thing was that Jimmy was easy to find, he had only moved three feet from where I'd left him.
At home, I felt like I'd died and gone to hell those first weeks. All of these fellas were used to having every single thing done for them and not one of them were interested in changing this situation. And there I was, stuck doing all the domestic tasks I 'd always hated, and always will hate, while taking care of what felt like four very large and very helpless grown up kids who expected to be waited on hand and foot! Uh Uh. Not in my world.
It was not easy by any means, and it took a long time, but once they learned how to help cook, do dishes, do laundry, and clean, they were really proud of themselves. Finally, Otis learned to ask people if they wanted a hug, before grabbing them, and buying Dennis a size larger underwear and some jock itch powder helped him with his issue, too. Jacob never did stop stealing totally, but did cut back somewhat after we started taking him along to buy groceries, so he could legally "take stuff" and put it in the cart. Jimmy? Well he never did speed up, so the rest of us just slowed down.
Overall, we were like a family. My guys were the sweetest, most loving, most good hearted, caring, innocent beings I'd ever known.
Then came the morning in mid winter when I stepped out the door to get the paper, slipped on a patch of ice, and tore several important ligaments in my leg. I ended up in a full groin to toe cast and was told I couldn't work for at least 6 weeks. Even my employer didn't know what to do with a live-in manager unable to work, with no where else to live, and there was no back up staff to fill in.
My boss came over to the house to discuss options. My four guys were there, and they were all so scared and worried about me. I was in a wheelchair, and they were waiting on me hand and foot, and listening to us talk. Then it was their turn.
Otis said, "You stay home with us, cuz we can cook now!"
Jacob said "And I can wash dishes!"
Dennis grabbed the broom and said "PoDunk!"
Jimmy grabbed a towel from the laundry basket and showed how he could fold it.
It was apparent that they had cooked this up together.
My boss and I stared at each other awhile. He was a neat guy too. I finally said "I bet we could do it, the guys and I. I just bet we could." And he agreed.
Before he left, the fellas had helped him moved my bed downstairs and set up a space for me to use. They all seemed souped up and so excited about them being able to take care of me for a change: and I bet that did feel really good, after lifetimes of being taken care of, one way or another, by others.
And so it was that these four dear men, people considered by most as lesser beings because of their severe limitations, became my angels for awhile. I had never been treated with such love and compassion and with such sheer joy, ever before. Ok, so we ate some burned eggs now and then, and ordered a LOT of pizza . And yes, everyone ended up wearing pink undies, but they got the laundry done, you bet they did!
It's always turned out like this for me. Whenever I have been in the most need of shelter and safety and love, it has always come from those many would consider "the least among us". They are all my beloved teachers, every one.
Written in loving memory of Otis and Jimmy and for Dennis and Jacob, who still go on.