As I patiently sit on the couch listening to Marvin Gaye, I can’t help but wonder… Like, I have this really cool cherry wood wine rack- received it as a wedding gift and it landed on “my” side of the separation- anyway, I now possess approximately two different sets of four wine glasses (respectively for red and white “types”), a set for tall ice tea, martini time, shoot skis- and some low ballas. They are made of beautiful glass crystal and have “unique” frosted white subtle design etchings that make it glass “different”- but each “set” identical (except 6 shot glasses instead of 4- BONUS). I also have the “whole” kit and kaboodle of stainless steel arsenal to whip up any “type” of fun or fancy drink anytime! … but I also don’t have ANY bottles of wine in this rack (on a tight “unemployed” budget). My lowered status in societal rank and file has also slowed down the amount social calls I get- and I can’t even recall the last time I used one of the many fancy glasses I mentioned. But, the point is they are beautiful and they are mine.
In a level 1 trauma psychiatric ward, you aren’t afford the luxuries of stellar wine racks with gorgeous crystal. Nope, instead you “wait” for someone behind the desk to get you a glass a water served in a disposable Dixie cup (plastic no less). I’m a personal fan of Burt’s Bees Wax chap stick- well, those bees don’t fly in that stale air. No way no how, in fact, I believe I had to asked at least 3 times if I could use the chap stick located in my purse behind the desk. They told me no- because the ingredients are “toxic” ?!? I guess my calm and patient persistence paid off- they finally submitted and gave me a tube of RAW petroleum jelly. The cool thing about it (I guess) is I discovered petroleum jelly provides me all sorts of “perks.” You see, I know plenty of ladies that pay oodles of money for flavored and/or shiny gloss- in addition to purchasing medicating chap stick- the old tube of jelly is genius, because you get both “benefits” (shiny and medicated lips?! ) for a price cheaper than the “stand alone monetary” costs of each of the other two products (or goods). Truth be told- I was a chap stick addict prior to the ward (probably 3 – 5 applications a day)- the whole petroleum jelly experience slowed down that frequency- now I apply the Burt’s or petroleum maybe 1 application every other day or so, maybe even less as the days go by. Hmmmm….
I received this feedback from a previous diary I wrote for an anonymous internet discussion:
People generally adore flattering themselves, and overestimating the importance of their presence, or actions, in the lives of others.
A typical “knee jerk” response to that is that is a good thing, right? And I really think it is- it is the misguided value inundation that flubs up the real prospect for genuine harmony. For if we truly “over” estimated our importance of our presence- wouldn’t we try to improve, rather than destroy everything in our wake? It is the “idea” of impermeance which would prompt me to want to leave a person, place, thing (or former presence) better than when encountered in hopes that the next “present” opportunity I am afforded will be welcoming- laid out by the predecessors- whatever form or shape the living beings were/are.
I also became “thoughtless” as I took this comment from the same handle in:
That someone can spend so much time crafting a persona, to still be utterly forgettable.
Seriously, think about that in relation to the McMansion’s built and sports cars crashed. I remember another dear colleague provided me with a good framework to use in my struggle from sporting a 2009 shiny Honda Civic to a 2001 dented Volkswagon Jetta lifestyle (years are important, right?). She said, you know- cars just take you from A to B, so if anyone has a problem with your change that is more their issue than yours. I like thinking about “stuff” in those terms. As much as I’m grateful that my brother “gave” me his Jetta- I still dream about a horse or some other living mode of transportation not reliant on gasoline and “upgrades”- but that is not practical in today’s city structures, so instead I can only dream of such a life. I actually haven’t “driven” the car in awhile, because I now rely on bicycle and my own two feet to move me around (granted I’m unemployed, but that gig was still in biking distance).
It’s great to no longer factor petro into a “weekly” budget- this fine city has a deal where $40 gets me a full year to the privilege of access to a bike on many corners throughout the city. I really like the system so far. And as I think about it, it makes it easy to strip down the pesky car insurance out of a budget if the car is cut out of the equation all together. I almost have a “fear” of being “stuck” without a car, but really- it’s a matter of mind over matter. I’m not a fireman and all my needs are met in my walk/bike range- so I have no urgent or continuous ‘need’ for a car. I do own my “own” bike- that puppy is chained up in the garage (umm, that’s a selfish jumble), but the city bike deal meets my needs. I now “plan” what it is I need and where it is I can get--- and THEN decide how I will go about “getting” it. That would be proactive (as opposed to reactive) method. The city deal is also “good” for me because I get to pound the pavement and enjoy a nice 3 or 4 block walk to the bike station- helps remind me I have knees.