Not a flu. Those are nasty. Just a head cold, and you feel under the weather but you don't know whether to go to work or stay home? So you stay home but end up feeling so guilty you do household chores all day long. Might as well have gone to work, right? But then you might have gotten your coworkers sick, so it's probably for the best.
Have you ever eaten a hot pocket? Did you ever hear Jim Gaffigan's comedy routine about hot pockets? Man, he eviscerates hot pockets! I totally agree with Mr. Gaffigan's take on the hot pocket issue, but I still eat them! Do you?
Have you ever had a family pet that couldn't decide whether it wanted to go outside or stay in? Why are family pets always flip-flopping on the indoors/outdoors issue? I feel like you could probably do more to address this issue, but I don't know what. Maybe socialized doggie doors?
Have you ever seen the bumper sticker that says, "mean people suck?" I think it's pretty funny, how about you? Where do you stand on the issue of mean people? Is "suck" too strong a word? Should we substitute "blow" instead?
I've heard people say that the airlines and the banks are "nickle and diming" us to death. Where do you stand on the issue of nickles and dimes? Do we still need them both? How about pennies? I bet we could get rid of the penny AND the nickel! That might save us some money on the printing costs.
I got a paper cut yesterday. It is entirely unfair that such a tiny little cut hurts so much. What are you planning on doing about paper cuts? And don't say "Bactine." They SAY it numbs wounds using a local anesthetic, but man does it sting when you first put it on!
I'm sure you've heard about this "tea party" thing. I'm not sure what they stand for exactly, but I've tasted American tea, and it sure isn't getting any better! What can we do to appease these tea partiers and make American tea more competitive with high quality British, Indian, and Chinese teas?
Finally, is it true what they say about black men and the size of their birth certificates? I've heard you have a "long form." Is this true, or just another racist stereotype?