The other day I felt like having some friends over for dinner. I had some food that might otherwise have ended up being bought solely for the purpose of decorating the inside my refrigerator, so, instead, I made a meal out of it. Since I'm just one person I had a dinner party.
Be warned I will not be held responsible for any careless and irresponsible use of the information you are about to read. If you read this and decide to eat this meal nightly don't come crying to me.
A simple pasta dinner
What to do, what to, how should I organize this? First I'll have some appetizers, then salad, pasta, then dessert.
I remember I had a recipe for shallots sauteed in vermouth. I'm sure it would be just as good with pearl onions. I pealed and cleaned the pearl onions then made that cross at the root end so they don't fall apart.
I discovered a trick to sauteing small round things. Saute them in the smallest pot you can. That's pot, not pan. Because when you yank on the handle to turn the onions they actually turn on the other side, instead of just rolling around in the pan and ending up in the same position at the same place they started from. Leaving you with no other recourse but to turn the onions individually with a fork.
Sauteed Pearl Onions or Shallots or both in Vermouth
Pearl onions
shallots
butter
olive oil
parsley-chopped
salt and pepper
Take the smallest pot which will accommodate your onions, or whatnots in a single layer. Heat to med high. Add about a tablespoon or so of butter and a small amount of olive oil so as not to burn the butter.
Add the, whatnots, add salt and pepper almost immediately as to facilitate sweating.
Saute them enough to see them caramelize then start the stirring process.
Now what happened with me is, the fond started to form too quickly. What to do, what to do? If I let it go all the way until the end it will be burned then destroyed. Then what's the point? So whenever this happens especially in a case like this where no other cooking is required I de-glazed with a small amount of vermouth early. Not a lot, just enough to lift the fond up and get it into the onions. It also takes with it the butter and olive oil, so in effect you are speeding up the process.
I did this twice before I felt they were sufficiently caramelized enough to fully de-glaze.
Let the vermouth do it's thing then disappear then put the onions in a pretty little bowl, sprinkle with parsley, and serve.
So that's done.
I also had some cauliflower. So how about I just simply roast the cauliflower, then sprinkle it with Parmesan after it's roasted. We can have that with the onions with crusty bread I asked my guests to bring.
Yeah, but that sounds boring. What to do, what to do?
I'll look on line....
That's it. I'll do that. yum.
Wait a minute I have a can of artichoke hearts, I'll add that, and what am I going to do with the other half of the onion I need for the pasta sauce? I'll add that as well.
Roasted Cauliflower with Artichoke Hearts and Onions
1 head of a cauliflower separated into florets
1 can of artichoke hearts -drained and squeezed from their water
1 onion or half an onion or not
If you are also doing a recipe that includes half an onion use the other half here. Just cut into rings, or half rings is fine.
3-4 cloves of garlic as much or as little as you like but-sliced
1/4 cup olive oil
1-2 tablespoons of lemon juice
Parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste
parsley-chopped
Preheat oven to 500 degrees
Now I used a glass baking dish I make brownies in. And it was fine. Since this is not a multi-ingredient recipe there was plenty of room in the baking dish to roast them in. Obviously the more you make of this, the larger the pan you will need.
It's pretty simple, sort of quarter the artichoke hearts and cut the onions into rings.
Pour the olive oil all over everything then drizzle with the lemon juice. I did not add salt and pepper at this time.
Put it into a hot oven for about 10 minutes.
After ten minutes check it, and stir it around to make sure everything is getting roasted. Put back into the oven for an additional 5-6 minutes. Or until the cauliflower is tender but not mushy. It really depends on your oven.
Now take it out of the oven and shut it off. This is where I added the pepper. I did not add any salt due to the Parmesan. Sprinkle with the cheese then put back into the oven until the cheese is melted. Do this with the oven off.
If your guests haven't arrived yet just let them be in the oven until ready to serve. I called them up to find out if they were going to be on time and went by that. They are usually always on time with dinner parties. And they always bring wine.
Before serving sprinkle with parsley.
Those onions and that cauliflower were beyond sinfully orgasmic. Almost to the point of they should be outlawed. You will not believe the nerve, the arrogance, the unmitigated gall those simple ingredients, cooked in that simple manner, have, in being so...
Now I have to stop and have a cigarette before going on, good.
When you eat this you will curse your marriage.
OK at this point I always like to have a salad. This calls for the simplest of salads. Something green, and cool, and salady.
A Simple Salad
1 head of Romaine
olives
feta cheese
cracked black pepper
lemon juice
olive oil
This method is self-explanatory.
The main course is next, the entree, the pasta course. Originally I was going to have them over for linguini in white clam sauce. But they have been over for that before. I promised them pasta but I didn't want to make a big to do.
Something simple.
What to do, what to do? Pasta with cherry tomatoes, olives, and peas in a white wine butter sauce?
Borrrr-ing, and it's been done.
Hey wait a minute what about that vodka sauce? Whenever I make it, people go mad over it. And I have those gigantic penne pasta tube things I got at The Strip in Pittsburgh, I've been saving them for a special occasion. Maybe that special occasion has arrived.
Yeah but I don't have any vodka.
Well I could buy a small cheap bottle, it's just for cooking. No, no. The point of this was to just use things I had on hand and not spend so much, just buy things like fresh herbs and stuff.
Well if it worked for vodka maybe it'll work for gin.
OK I'm game. I'll have to get some heavy cream. OK I'll get some cream. And what's for dessert anyway? I have these strawberries I got on sale.
Strawberries and cream?
No. I'll get some good vanilla ice cream. Strawberries and vanilla ice cream, you know I bet I do have what it takes to make a simple chocolate sauce.
Looking, looking, looking, reading, reading. Yes I do. I can make a simple chocolate sauce. Vanilla ice cream with strawberries and chocolate sauce. I better get up and take a shower, get dressed and go to the store. Thank God my friends are night owls like me, and dinner's not until 8:00pm and it's still light outside.
Wash, wash, wash, lotion, lotion, lotion, dress, dress, dress, make-up, make-up, make-up, drive, drive, drive....
So 1,2,3, take my hand and come with me,
because you look so fine,
that I really wanna to make you mine.
I say you look so fine,
That I really wanna to make you mine...
Shut the car off walk in the store, OK what am I getting again?
That's right heavy cream and ice cream. Shop, shop, shop, walk to the cashier, wait I better get some fresh basil, walk back to the produce then to the cashier, pay, pay, pay, drive, drive drive...
...While the rest of them dudes were'a gettin' their kicks,
Buddy, beg your pardon I was getting mine.
OOOH Mississippi Queen.
Shit, I hate it when I get the tail end of a good song on the radio. Or when you are driving all day and nothing but shit is on the radio, then as soon as you are 30 seconds from home a good song comes on.
Pasta in gin cream sauce. One thing gin has more of a taste than vodka, it's more complex with botanicals. It'll either be really yummy or icky. I know the rule about never, never make something you've never made before when you are having company.
That never has bothered me, I've always done that, and I've never had a problem with it. When you are single sometimes that's the only reason to try new things. Who cooks like that solely for themselves? Not me.
Pasta in a Gin Cream Sauce
For four
olive oil
1/2 small onion- see the other half of that onion,
garlic minced- to your taste I'm always garlic heavy so do what you do.
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
2 tablespoons or so of olive oil
1 28 ounce can of diced or crushed tomatoes
1 small can of tomato sauce
1 cup of gin
1/2 cup of heavy cream at least. You can do more it's to your liking or tolerance or ability.
Parmesan cheese grated
Fresh basil
salt and pepper
fresh parsley
1 pound of penne or rigatoni
I would not use any type of spaghetti for this recipe. I'm Italian so I can definitely taste a difference in different types of pasta. And for these cream sauce recipes I prefer a penne or rigatoni. I especially like the bigger rigatonis. A while ago I was at the Strip in Pittsburgh and went to the Pennsylvania Macaroni Company and bought some gigantic penne pasta and like I say I was saving it for a special occasion. This brand was made in Italy. If you buy anything like that my suggestion is, buy it only if it is fresh or from Italy.
I bought 2 pkgs. of those gigantic pastas, but from different companies. The first one I used was a disaster, fortunately I wasn't going to serve it to people. I made it for myself. And almost as soon as it hit the water it started to fall apart. Until when it was finally cooked it was nothing but broken shards of mushy pasta. I couldn't eat it.
This was my only real fear, that this pasta would do the same thing. But I did have a back up of some regular rigatoni in case this pasta would suffer the same fate. I'm happy to report that this was a far superior pasta and didn't break up into a million pieces. Some of them did start to sort of slice open so they were no longer a tube, but they didn't disintegrate, and they didn't all do that.
My trick to cooking pasta is to bring the water up to boil. Add the pasta, bring it up to a boil again, then lower the heat and keep lowering it so the pasta isn't being abused by a fierce, angry, anti-social, boil. And I never do the thing where you put oil in the water, or salt.
Again this is pretty simple
I used my largest, deepest pan. You can use whatever you use in this situation, pan or pot. I find in these types of sauces it's easier to add and coat the pasta without breaking them in a shallower pan.
Heat the pan then add the olive oil.
Add onion let them saute for a minute, add salt to sweat the onions.
Add garlic.
Then the crushed red pepper flakes,
I also at this point added a tiny bit of dried thyme I had, but it's not necessary if you don't have it.
Add the tomatoes.
If you are using the diced tomatoes add the juice as well. If you are using crushed tomatoes use some of the gin to clean the can of the tomatoes that stays inside the can.
Add the small can of tomato sauce and clean the can with some more of the gin as well.
Add the black pepper and more salt to your taste as well.
I added some parsley here too.
Add the rest of the gin. Let this sauce cook for 15 -20 minutes. If you are using the crushed tomatoes you might need some more water if it starts looking and feeling to thick.
In the mean time you could set the table, that's what I did. I always put the salad plates and forks in the freezer. I thought even though this was a red sauce I thought white wine would be fine with this whole meal. I had a bottle of Pinot Gris I was saving for a special occasion. So I put the wine glasses in the freezer as well, and the water glasses too. I always do this. In fact I always have two water glasses in my freezer at all times. I thought about making martinis for an opening cocktail and putting on some Sinatra but this was supposed to be a simple pasta dinner so I forwent that this time.
So now your sauce has cooked and reduced. Here is the thing that sets it apart. Using a blender or a stick blender, blend the sauce until smooth. What's the point of this you ask? To make a more elegant sophisticated sauce.
If you are using a blender put it back in the pan. Actually you can do this in advance up to this point. Add some more parsley now if you like.
If your guests haven't arrived yet just leave it on the stove on low then raise the temperature when you start cooking the pasta.
Just before the pasta is done add the cream to the sauce and let it do it's thing.
Instead of draining the pasta I scooped it out of the water with a strainer and added it to the sauce. It's OK if some of the pasta water gets in.
Gently stir the pasta in the sauce to evenly coat the pasta.
Top with grated Parmesan, parsley, and basil.
Serve
Knock, knock...The door opens.
"Hi, I hope you don't mind I just walked in?"
"No, no, that's OK, come in."
"Would you like a glass of wine?"
"Yes."
"Oh my God what's all this? I thought this was going to be a simple pasta dinner?"
"Well it's just some things I had around the house, and it's all simple."
"Oh my God was that good."
"That was phenomenal."
"I especially like the appetizers."
"Thank you."
"Let me clear all this up and I'll make some coffee and we'll have dessert."
Dessert
Coffee
Double Vanilla Ice Cream with Strawberries and Chocolate Sauce
Simple Chocolate Sauce
1/2 cup of sugar
2 tablespoons of cocoa
1/8 teaspoons salt
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup of water -just enough to enable the chocolate to be stirred
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
Combine sugar, cocoa, and salt in a small saucepan.
Add the water.
Add butter to cocoa mixture.
Bring to a boil over medium high heat, stirring constantly.
Allow to boil for 1 minute, stirring.
Add vanilla
Remove from heat.
This will thicken as it sits so you can do this ahead.
Look do yourself a favor and just don't eat this.
If you guys make this meal, be sure to only make it for company because the leftovers will haunt your waking thoughts. It's that yummy. It will toy with your self-control like a kitten playing with a ball of of string. It will unrelentlessly mock your body, mind, and soul. And you will go into the kitchen and glare at your refrigerator with scorn and disdain and derision. And with a fit of anger you will open the refrigerator and talk to it. And you will plead with it. And bargain with it. You will say, "OK I promise, I will eat you, but I refuse to eat you for breakfast. So you can just put yourself back into yourself and sit there because it's not going to happen. I mean it."
And you will try to get on with your day, you will try to think happy thoughts. You will on purpose plan to eat dinner the next day out and away from your house. Or eat so late in the evening you can't justify eating it. You will come home and open the refrigerator to get a glass of water. Smile and stick your tongue out at it and say, "Ah ha. You thought you had me but I thwarted your attack with my superior mind, take that."
And as you lay in bed that night before you go to sleep you will smile and congratulate yourself for being the better man, or woman. You have taken the high road and you will bask yourself in the glory of not being a feeble minded fool succumbing to it's wicked wiles. And you will dream nice dreams.
Then you will wake up the next morning and open the refrigerator and in an inner primal scream yell....
"Oh, for the love of everything that is holy please stop. This must end. Go away."
"And I hate you Nellgwen and everything you stand for. You are a right-wing troll. The worst of them all because you have discovered how to defeat us, how to remove our spines from out bodies and reduce us to a worthless pile of organic compounds lying on the kitchen floor, unable to think or do anything except eat this meal."