Presented to the Class of 2012
June 21, 2012
Members of the Board of Education, Superintendent, administrative and faculty colleagues, guests and friends, and members of the class of 2012. Thank you for this honor and for including me in your celebration.
Today, my thoughts turn to zombies.
I think about them all the time. I’m sure you do too. A show of hands from guests – how many of you have thought about the zombie apocalypse? Not many. Members of the Board of Education? Really? None of you? Class of 2012 – a show of hands, please. Good, we’ve obviously done our jobs. You didn’t realize it, but for the last six years, we haven’t just been teaching about math and science and history and English and foreign language – no – we’ve been teaching you to survive in a world that wants to eat you up.
So what have you all been taught?
Know your enemy. Zombies are unthinking, ravenous beings, that have only one purpose – consume. They don’t think, they don’t analyze, they don’t feel or care, you can’t argue with them or reason with them – they simply consume, mindlessly – that’s all they do. We’ve tried our best to teach you to do all the things that zombies can’t. We’ve taught you to weigh evidence, hypothesize, reason and to do so in a compassionate manner. We taught you to speak and to listen, to try to make decisions based on right and wrong and to care about your fellow students.
Now, in the event of a zombie infestation, or in the worst case scenario, the zombie apocalypse, the first order of business is survival and the key to survival is to use your brain and the resources at your disposal. That’s where all your time in Edgemont comes in handy.
Rule 1: Zombies feel no fear – why should you? You’ve taken APs, SATs, you’ve survived the dreaded Junior Year. You’ve handled way worse than hordes of undead and you’ve grown from the experience. Why would the apocalypse be any different?
Rule 2: Keep moving! You all complained about mandatory gym class, but in the event of a zombie attack, remember, you don’t need to outrun everyone, just that kid from our rival school.
Rule 3: Keep low, keep quiet, keep alert! And you thought 14 fire drills a year in total silence was a waste of time.
Rule 4: Only by working together can you defeat the zombie horde. Surviving the apocalypse is a team sport and there’s no I in zombie – well there is, but you know what I mean. You can’t solve big problems on your own. You need a community like the one you’ve grown to rely upon here - a place where everyone is not only allowed to contribute their ideas, they are expected to do so.
Rule 5: Adapt to your circumstances. You’re about to leave the place you’ve called home for a long time. Things are going to change in just a few months. You can’t expect your world to stay the same. What you know isn’t all there is. Take your knowledge and build on it – grow from it and with it.
Perhaps the most important lesson that we have tried to teach you is to surround yourself with good people. Look around you, look who you’re sitting with, look at the people here in the crowd. These are the faces of our community. These are the people who have helped you accomplish so much of what you have achieved. Without them and their support, you wouldn’t be here – plain and simple.
As you go forth to confront the zombie apocalypse or just life in general, take this lesson with you. Find good people, people who will care about you as much as you will care about them – seek out interesting and smart people who will add to the texture of your lives and who will enjoy all that you have to offer them. Surround yourself with those who take pride in what they do – people who work hard, who give their all, who strive to be the best. When you surround yourself with those types of people, you make yourself better. You push yourself. I see this truth every day that I come to school. In my ten years here, this faculty and student body has made me a better teacher and a better person, and I hope, in some ways I’ve returned the favor. In the event of the zombie apocalypse, these are the people I would want around me – because we’d survive and we’d rebuild and we’d thrive.
Will the zombie apocalypse occur? Maybe. But even if it doesn’t, the skills you’ve learned here and the life lessons you take with you will serve you well as you make your way through this world.
You’ve all been following the economic news of the last few years. You know the country needs to be rebuilt – you’ve got the tools. We’re counting on you. Go do it. Get it done.
Thank you and congratulations.