Dear Mr. Romney:
Thank you for your interest in the position of President of the United States of America. Due to the sheer number of interested candidates in this position, we require all finalists to undergo a complete and thorough application process.
Unfortunately, our records indicate that at this time, your application is incomplete. Please provide the below information to us at your earliest convenience in order to secure your continued eligibility for the position:
- Tax Returns, 2011
- Tax Returns, 2010*
- Tax Returns, 2009
- Tax Returns, 2008
- Tax Returns, 2007
- Tax Returns, 2006
- Tax Returns, 2005
- Tax Returns, 2004
- Tax Returns, 2003
- Tax Returns, 2002
- Tax Returns, 2001
- Tax Returns, 2000
*incomplete, please provide remaining information
As stated in the job posting, previous experience in furthering the best interests of America is an important qualifying factor for the position. We therefore require a baseline level of transparency from all applicants. We understand that this level of scrutiny is untenable for many potential candidates; hence no person is required to apply, and no candidate is required to finish an open application.
Additionally, some on the hiring committee have been concerned about your performance to date in the behavioral component of the interview process. We do consider it best practice for our applicants to avoid international incidents and refrain from insulting entire nations while auditioning for the role.
Should you no longer wish to be considered for the position of President, you need take no specific action and can simply keep doing exactly what you’re doing.
Sincerely,
The American People