KFC's Colonel Sanders wants us to know that, unlike Chick-Fil-A, he loves the gays.
For video statement, flip below the fold.
Why, hello there. It's me, the Colonel. It don't take a bony-fide Einstein genius to know that I'm an oldly-fashioned sort. But, when it comes to the subjamacation of marriage rights, well, I reckon I'm a bit more progressive than my pals down at Chick-Fil-A.
Yep! Let it be known that Colonel Sanders loves the gays. Hell, I might even be gay!
Hey, Colonel, dinner's almost ready.
Be right there, Omarion! See?
Ay! I was just tapping a toe to my favorite Bette Midler album. Thighs and Whispers. Hah. I know what you're thinking as you lie there snuggling up with your bear. You're thinking "How do I know you're not just a gibbering this jab to win more of my gay business?" Well, you don't! But, what you should know is that I love all gay people. Always. And, we're open on Sundays.
That's right! The only church the Colonel attends on Sunday is the church of chicken. Not to be confused with Church's Chicken who I hear, unlike myself, hate gays! We all know that when it comes to the chicken of America, I prefer the white meat to the dark. But, never in my one hundred and forty years on this earth have I ever harmed a gay. Hell, I prefer to see the world the way my hormone-bloated, antibiotically-injected chickens do. Without gender. Or beaks. Or a butt hole.
Once again we're even issuing a table dance mandate at participating locations. Only the pocket squares of a gentleman can be used as a banana hammock. Yea! [Laughs]. Hell, I don't actually give a s**t. Gay or not, you're all just a bunch of big old money mouths. Walking around talking and eating.
But, if you have to pick one chicken chain, why not pick us? I know their service is better, but, we got those bowls.
[Singing] If you want the gayest chicken, you ha-ave to vi-i-sit me!
[Laughing]