With all the self-discipline that it takes to type this while controlling my laughter lest it ruin my Macbook keyboard and blow out my cats' eardrums, I think Mitt Romney deserves no less than to be given today's
Concern Troll Jackass of the Day Award.
Leads Politico:
Mitt Romney leveled his harshest criticism of President Obama's reelection campaign to date in Ohio Tuesday, declaring that Obama should "take your campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago."
[snip]
"This is what an angry and desperate presidency looks like," Romney said. "He won't win that way."
Have you ever had someone say something so blatantly sexist, racist, or dehumanizingly hypocritical to your face that you didn't even get mad? Like, something so utterly, frivolously, stupidly and stupendously incongruent with their fundamental frame that you just laughed out loud and gave them an earnest hug because you realized they actually believed in their heart of hearts that what they just said made sense? Like if someone took two piles of shit, added a glop of perfectly chilled and delicious Cool Whip on top, and then called it a good meal with a straight face?
Well, that's exactly how I feel on hearing Mitt Romney say that Barack Obama, who made himself look ridiculous trying to unify the Right and Left for years, in order to live up to his promise of attempting to drive Washington into a post-partisan era, all while the Norquist-conspiring jackals in the GOP House and Senate connived to block his every move while taking credit for his every success—the man who ran on Hope and Change (tee to the fucking em) and won a Nobel Peace Prize because of it, and was then so beleaguered by the longform-clamoring idiots of the right that he did what no other President in history has ever had to do, all while weathering accusations from prominent pundits of wanting to kill your grandmothers and of conspiring to take "your" beloved country down, how dare he, that Hitler, bone-nosed, teleprompter-reading Affirmative Action baby motherfucker, and who now wants to let you pick up welfare checks for free and to raise your taxes because he hates America...is running a campaign of hate.
So you go on ahead and keep slamming Joe Biden for the racially-insensitive "chains" remark he made to the roughly half-black crowd of 1,000 supporters of the first biracial ticket in history, Joe Biden the man our country's first black President entrusted as his right-hand man and trusts enough to go to bat for us for another four years alongside, while you picked a selfish, philosophically inconsistent number-crunching ideologue whose family made his millions with government defense contracts and federal subsidies, and who is now just trying to run out the clock and run us to the ground along with him. You go on ahead projecting your hate onto the first President to stand up for marriage equality and equal pay for women and all that other equal shit while your No. 2 voted against both and your church funded Yes on Prop No. 8.
Jackass.